Delegating away the weeks!

The wedding is approaching rapidly - so rapidly that I have no idea where the time is going! My dad pointed out to me this morning that I haven't blogged since february 12th - oops!

It doesn't help that (as I predicted) I have had many other tasks to do as well. Applications for the job I want to do in August closed yesterday, our flat still isn't completely sorted (we still can't find things!), and apparently life still has to happen too! I'm even multi-tasking now - let's hope I don't burn our dinner whilst I type!

Many things have been crossed of the wedding to do list since I last wrote. The men now have complete outfits (including shirts - previously they were at high risk of having to wear suits only!) and my flower girls have shoes and cardigans. The RSVPs are all in, and so are the meal choices. We've done the table plan, practiced our first dance and ordered the fizz.

The key theme of the last few weeks has been delegation. I think I've done pretty well with this, but I guess that's open to interpretation! Gadget isn't working at the moment, so several fiddly and time-consuming tasks have been done by him. This includes the postcards for the table names, the poster/guest book, and a secret surprise project.

I didn't buy the girl's shoes, my soon to be sister-in-law did. The girls picked them, which means they absolutely love them (they have sparkly butterflies on so that's not really a surprise!), and I didn't have to do anything! My dad has finished the map we're using as the table plan, so I just have the title left to do. He's also doing signposts for the church parking.

My mum and godmother will be having a wine-fuelled craft evening for me, and my MOH is sorting out the bubbles we want to use instead of confetti.

None of the tasks completed so far have turned out exactly how I imagined them. Some are better, the rest are just different. But here's the point - IT DOESN'T MATTER! Everything looks fab, and most importantly it is done! None of the tasks I have delegated were on our priority list, but they all have to happen for the day to run smoothly. I can highly recommend delegating - it has made my life much easier!

What wedding plans?!

Well I have now been in Bristol, my new home city, working in my new job for 2 weeks - and nothing is really sorted! Everything is still everywhere (i.e. impossible to find) and we don't have a proper 'base.' Next week we move into our own flat, and I'm hoping things will get better soon after.

I'm trying to catch up with friends and family who I haven't seen for two years, and they all ask two questions. Are you enjoying being back, and how are  the wedding plans coming along?

I can't enjoy being back, because I haven't had time to realise that I am back! And wedding plans? What wedding plans?!

Apparently our wedding is 10 weeks away. I don't know this becasue I'm counting down, but because my (very excited) friend told me so yesterday. I'm guessing that now is the time that most brides go into planning overload, with table plans, RSVPs, order of service etc to finalise. I can only guess at this though, because I haven't even looked at my planning spreadsheet for two weeks. I can't access it at work (damn the NHS and their weird security ideas!) and we don't have wifi in our temporary flat. So I have very little idea what I'm supposed to be sorting out!

I have (hopefully) managed to get the critical things done. We have found our local church in Bristol and applied to have our Banns read there. (For none Church of England people, if you marry in church you don't go to the registrar's office to get a licence, the church does some odd historically based thing of announcing to the congregation that you're getting married. It has to be done where you live and where you are getting married, and takes a month to do.) So at the very least, our wedding should be legal. I haven't ordered the sparkling wine yet, so it might be a bit sober!

I have also discovered that I might have a job interview the same week as the wedding. Yes folks, three days before the Big Day I might have to talk someone into giving me the most important job of my career. That will really help my stress levels!

Luckily everyone has rallied round and offered to help - so when I can access that planning spreadsheet the first thing I need to do is delegate as many tasks as possible!

Inviting approval?

It has happened - the invites are on their way out! I haven't sent all of them yet, but we've already had seven RSVPs - and a range of positive comments!

I'm pretty relieved about the comments - it was always going to be a risk sending e-vites, but we decided that it was a risk we were prepared to take. You can't please everyone, but  it seems you can please some people - even if you just do what is easiest for you. Several of the replies we've had have included comments about how much they liked the invite and website - some were friends, but one was an older relative - so hopefully we've not upset too many people!

I've also only had one failed delivery email, and my parents were able to provide an alternative address for that person. So now it's a case of watch this space, and hope none of them have been eaten by cyber-space or junk mail filters!

Scheduling a busy day

The last thing I have to do before leaving the country (apart from sending out the invites, but that's a whole separate post) is arrange meetings with all our w-day vendors. I thought I should start with the main ones, so I've arranged to see the vicar on Monday morning, and the venue on Monday afternoon. We'll have only been in the country for 2 days, but there's so much to do before I start my new job (in a new city 5 hours away from where we're getting married) that it feels like I need to get on with things!

Next on the list is the photographer - I'm not sure whether to meet her at the venue, or separately. I'm also not sure if we get a pre-wedding shoot included - if so I have no idea when that's going to happen! Maybe on the same day as my hair trial...except that I don't know when that will be either!

Then I need to see the florist (should only be a 10 minute job), the hairdresser (need to know my work roster first) and my flower girls (to check their dresses fit).

So basically I'm hoping to have one day focused on the wedding, and then it will all be pretty much sorted. Some might say that's optimistic - but I find I get more done when I have more to do. Gadget will just have to manage for one day!

Wedding-y hymns?

One of the slightly random tasks that we've done in the last two weeks has been to choose the hymns for our ceremony. We reverted to our usually planning style - I wrote a short list (with the help of my dad) and then Gadget picked them. So we're having "I vow to thee my country" and "One more step along the world I go."

Whilst these both have some significance to us, we've mainly picked them because we like them. Your church wedding has an area where you can listen to the most popular wedding hymns - our second hymn is actually on the list, but our first is not. This isn't an area where I feel the need to be "different." I quite like singing hymns, so I've picked ones I like singing. Once again, an easy decision. As long as the vicar approves!

Personalising your ceremony

There's lots of advice out there about how to make your ceremony more personal. There's blog posts about everything from writing your vows to creating an entire ceremony from scratch - and how important it is to do this. They tell you to start early, as nothing is worse than writing your vows the night before. They tell you it's more important than any of your other DIY tasks, although almost certainly harder. Your vows should sound like you and be meaningful to your partner whilst not making your guests feel uncomfortable. There is clearly a fine balance to be had. You can write them together, or not hear each others until you get to the altar. Or you could do it our way - repeat after the vicar.

I'm sure some people love hearing the vows their partner has written for them, and put true love and courage into writing their own. But I honestly can't think of anything worse. What I feel about Gadget is hard enough to put into words in the privacy of our own home after a few glasses of wine. There is no way I want to stand in front of all our family and friends and describe it. I also don't want to make promises - we're not soppy people, so I couldn't promise anything romantic. I have no intention of drawing attention to my flaws on my big day by promising to try and better them. Which would leave us with only one option - jokes. Doesn't really seem the time for jokes though does it?

Luckily for me, Gadget agrees (he would actually hate it even more than I would). As we're getting married in church, we can choose to say the traditional words and no one will question it. I can't wait to say those famous phrases - "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" and so on. Those words have worked for couples for decades, and I see no reason to cast them aside now.

Apart from one line. The joker/child in me laughs every time I hear "with my body I honour you." I may have to ask the vicar if we can remove that line. I know, I know, I should be better than that. But it's a long standing issue with that line, which has always struck me as being slightly odd (in addition to the more obvious issue).

We will be choosing our hymns, and our readings (one of these is already chosen). I'm not sure Gadget cares much about the hymns, so I might be choosing them with my Dad. Which will be an easy task, as the list of suggestions he sent me contained all my favourite choices. I don't know whether our guests' rendition of "Guide me o thou great redeemer" will match up to my Dad's childhood memories of hearing it at Cardiff Arms Park though!*

One more thing - I won't be promising to obey. My mother didn't, the future Queen of England didn't, and neither will I. I guess Gadget can, though, if he likes?!

* For those of you reading this stateside, Cardiff Arms Park used to be the home of Welsh Rugby (it's now been replaced by Millennium Stadium). That particular hymn is known to Welsh rugby fans (my dad and I included) as "Bread of heaven," and is often sung at games. Usually loudly and out of tune, but not always - the welsh are known for their singing as well as their rugby!

Wedding planning phase 2 is almost complete!

Because of the logistics of our wedding planning (i.e. living on the other side of the world), there has always been several distinct phases in the planning process. Phase one was picking a date and location and booking the big things (like the photographer), phase two was the remainder of the NZ planning and phase three is the UK part. Today I've realised we're about to finish phase two - although that should have been pretty obvious!

In 2 months we will have moved out of our Auckland apartment and will be on the road in NZ's South Island. So it's a good job phase two is almost complete, because there's not much time left. All the things that are left to do fit into two groups - either arranging to meet people when we get back to the UK (vicar, venue, florist, photographer etc.) or Really Exciting Things!

The Really Exciting Things are choosing the wine (hopefully we're having a wine tasting evening this weekend), picking up my dress, learning some moves for our first dance and sending out the invitations. I've done the less exciting part of the invitations already (writing everyone's names on them) so hopefully sending them out will be an amazing moment rather than a stressful one!

Some of you may have realised that we might struggle to learn moves for our first dance until we've chosen one - by some miracle we both chose the same song from our shortlisted four, so that was another decision made. According to the internet, the song is best suited to a foxtrot - but this might be a bit serious for us so we'll see how it goes!

Crossing things off the list - and adding more things to it!

This week we have crossed a few biggish things off the to-do list. The guest list is finished, including (almost) everyone's contact details. The invites are done, and my brother's artwork looks fab (and I've bought his thank you gift). The wedsite is also essentially sorted - I'm just going to ask a friend to proof read it before we send the invites out. I managed to get Gadget interested enough to choose a reading for the ceremony (although he has no idea who we should ask to read it). And having said I'm going to stop looking for flower girl dresses, I've now bought them! Frilly sparkly Jenny Packham ones from the Debenhams online sale that look perfect for the fairy princesses.

It feels great to check things off the list - even though I've sneaked a couple of new things onto it! Luckily the new things are small, so it still feels like I've made progress.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do about decorating the church - until I saw this post on Rock My Wedding last week. Our church is a beautiful old stone village church, and doesn't need much decor. There will be some flowers, but I'm planning to ask the church's regular flower ladies to make sure the flowers are white/purple/pink (rather than red/yellow/orange) in exchange for a donation, rather than anything too dramatic. I think the stone arches add plenty of character on their own:

Inside our church (photo from genuki.org.uk)

Then I saw these fantastic bright paper pew ends, and decided I wanted them! In royal blue and cadbury purple, maybe with some map paper too? Simple, bright and stunning - sounds like the perfect church decor to me.

Shoot Lifestyle photography via Rock My Wedding

The only catch is that they're heart shaped - which is something I've been trying to avoid. Partly because hearts for a wedding seems too obvious, but mainly because they're a bit sentimental/soppy and so not really us. My current thinking is that it's ok if these are the only hearts we have, but I'll be keeping my eye out for kiwi or airplane alternatives!

The budget: from estimated to actual

I started with an estimated (some might say idealistic or even naive) budget of £8500. My dad convinced me this was optimistic at best, but I couldn't work out where to allocate extra money. I ended up with a working budget of £10,000; £8500 allocated and £1500 contingency.

Now we have most of the numbers, we can turn this estimated budget into a real life costing. Our venue has finalised their prices for next year, we have a fairly good idea of guest numbers and all the other big items have been confirmed. As my dad predicted, we are going to go over my initial number, but it looks like we will stay within budget overall.

There are a few costs that remain unknown. We may have to pay extra to heat the church (I find this quite funny, but that's beside the point), and I don't know how much the hairdressers will be. There is still some slack in the budget, but not a huge amount. This, I imagine, is the point where couples lose sight of costs and end up going over budget.

I think it is the myriad of small things that push the budget boundaries, rather than the more obvious big costs. I am trying hard to enter every single cost onto the spreadsheet to ensure this doesn't happen. This includes items like socks (£3) and craft templates (£5). However, not everyone (for that read no one!) shares my precision, and I keep having to remind my mum to keep track of what she's spending. I think she's having too much fun to think about budgeting - probably a common theme with weddings!

The bulk of our money is going towards the items we prioritised early on in the process. The food and wine total is just over half of the total cost, and comes wrapped in a venue full of character. The photography, ceremony and disco make up 20%. The fun elements haven't cost very much, and have probably allowed us to save money, so the bulk of the remaining money has gone on what everyone is wearing (17%).

The realities of the costs leave me in two minds. I feel pleased that we will be spending less than half the national average on our wedding, but annoyed that one day costs so much money. Still, eloping was never an option and if we can have an awesome day for all our friends and family, it will be worth every penny. Hopefully!

Learning to count to a hundred

I had a fab Skype chat with one of my old uni friends yesterday. She's recently had a baby, and it was great to see both of them looking so well. Inevitably, the talk turned to the wedding, and she confirmed the stories that abound on the bridal forums. People will not RSVP, and they will ask you never ending questions - even though you've already provided the answers. They will morph into people who can't book a hotel or arrange their own transport, and they'll expect you to help them.

This means I'm going to have to learn to answer the (possibly stupid) questions without getting sarcastic and annoyed. Anyone who knows me knows that this is not one of my strengths! I've managed to train myself to do it at work (in my job I get asked a lot of stupid questions by people who should know better), but even then if you're the person that asks the fifteenth stupid question of the day, you may not get a very polite response.

So now I'm going to have to transfer this skill into my daily (wedding planning) life. I'm not sure that taking a deep breath or counting to 10 will be enough - so at the suggestion of my friend I'm going to try 100! If I make it to 20 and can answer calmly, then fine - if not I'll just keep counting and letting them talk until I can.

This is just one of the many great pieces of advice I've received from my married friends. I sent them all an email asking them to share their pearls of wisdom - the key pieces of advice were to go all out on the photography, and to do what makes you happy. One friend confirmed that the details don't matter - she didn't notice that her chair covers weren't there until days after the wedding. Several people said that the most important part of the day was having your friends and family around you, but one friend said she was glad to go home the next day and relax because she was exhausted!

So I'm happy we've focused on the big things, and glad we've invited all the people who are really important to us. I am thinking of increasing the photography coverage, and I'm seriously considering the plans for the sunday. In between these thoughts I'll be practising my counting - 1,2,3...

More stuff I don't need

As we continue to look at each part of the wedding and work out how it fits in our day, I keep coming across more things I don't need (or even want!).

1. Champagne. I reckon I can count on one hand the number of wedding guests who might be able to tell the difference between Champagne and sparkling wine - and of those that can, most prefer sparkling wine anyway! I think we have a bad habit of referring to most fizzy wine as champagne (I used to work in a supermarket and had customer ask me if we had any champagne that wasn't from France!); to be fair it does sound better. Personally, I don't mind where my fizz comes from - but I'd rather it wasn't too fizzy! 
2. A garter. I really don't understand this "tradition." Nobody wears garters at any other time, and I imagine that having an elastic band round one leg would be quite irritating. The whole garter removal/tossing isn't something I've ever seen at a wedding, and strikes me as plain embarrassing.  
3. That group shot out of the window. I realise taking a photo of 100 people is not easy, but unless it looks balanced and you can actually see everyone I'm not sure what the point is. I'm undecided on whether to even have a photo of everyone, but if we do it will not be taken from a height looking down at a mass of heads!
4. Wedding day perfume. I always wear the same perfume, and Gadget wears the same after shave. If I changed for the wedding that would be weird. I wear a perfume that you could take a photo of (if you really wanted to), but I'm not sure perfume is important enough for it's picture to make it into the album.
5. A going-away/night before outfit. I won't be going anywhere after the wedding (except to bed), so this clearly isn't needed. Maybe it was more relevant in years gone by, but has no place in most of today's weddings. As the UK doesn't follow the USA with the rehearsal dinner tradition, I will be spending the night before on my parents sofa - so jeans and a hoody will do fine!

It sounds like you don't care about your wedding!

This is what my mum said to me during yesterday's Skype call. Before anyone gets all uppity that she would even think such a thing, she was right. It did sound like I don't care - for a very good reason.

The conversation was about dresses for my flower girls. Having said the other day that I need to stop looking for them, I've now found four possible options. Clearly I haven't managed to stop looking - but that's not the point of this post. I called my mum because it's hard to know from a website image what colour the dresses actually are, and she very kindly agreed to go and look at them for me. One of the options was an ivory dress, and one was pale gold. Both colours could work - but equally both could look a bit odd next to my dress (which is cream/champagne coloured). The other two dresses were cream, but were made of material that might snag too easily.

So I gave my mum full authority to make a decision - if one of the dresses looks good, buy it. If they don't, then we'll keep looking. Then I said something along the lines of I don't really mind, do whatever you think will work, but it's not March so we're not desperate. That was when my mum made her comment - whilst laughing.

So I agreed with her. I care a bit - the girls want sparkly princess dresses and I want a peaceful day, so they'll be getting sparkly princess dresses. I don't want their dresses to look awkward next to mine. But that's it - past that point I don't care. Flower girl dresses are not on the priority list, so they don't get over-thought and no stress is allowed. As long as we have two dresses at the end of April that are in budget and that the girls are happy to wear, that is all I require. (Alright, maybe they need shoes and cardigans too, but you get the point!)

Our guest book dilemma

I've been to weddings with guest books - but have I been to weddings without them? I have no idea - because writing in them is clearly not the highlight of my day. In fact (depending how well you know the couple) it can actually become a chore. What on earth do you write?

I always feel pressure to come up with something funny/meaningful, but often fail to achieve this. In the USA, it seems to be traditional to assign someone to the guest book, to ensure everyone signs it. In the UK, it is more commonly passed around the tables after dinner and people make their own choice whether to sign or not. I certainly feel compelled to sign when I am passed a book - even if it is with the uninspiring "best wishes."

Also, what do you do with them afterwards? (Seriously, anyone who is married reading this please tell me!) I have a yearbook from school and one from university - mainly they sit in a cupboard and get ignored. What is the point of a wedding guest book if this is where it ends up?

As with all wedding traditions that aren't important or immediately obvious to us, we set about questioning the guest book concept. What is the point of one? Where did it come from? Do we want one, or is it wasting money?

The WIC naturally has plenty to say on the need for a guestbook, and ideas for how you can spend more money on one. During my research, though, it was yahoo answers rather than the WIC that cracked me up - one person had commented that a guest book was a must as people "sign in" then add their address so you know where to send the thank you note. I wasn't aware attendance at weddings was monitored like attendance at school - and if you didn't have their address how exactly did you manage to invite them?!

On a more serious note though, it appears that this may have been the original purpose of guest books. Presumably there was a time when the couple did not get to choose their wedding guests, and the invites were actually sent out by the bride's parents. In that case, having everyone's names and addresses would be pretty useful. But does anyone actually do this now?

The there are the people who think a guestbook helps you remember who was there to share your big day. Excuse me for being cynical, but if you can't remember who was there I think you may have invited too many people who aren't important to you.

Of course, there are lots of options for personalised guest books and guest book alternatives. There are works of art your guests can help you create, or you can use a Photo Booth or video camera for a more visual 'book' (for simplicity, I'm going to refer to all ideas as 'books' for now). These sound like neat ideas, but still doesn't really answer the question of what couples hope to achieve. What do you want that book to do or mean?

For us, anything that will end up in a cupboard is pointless (we're not big on sentimental clutter). So it needs to be visually attractive in order to be displayed. Gadget thought it should look like a big card signed by lots of people - such as a work leaving card. This appealed to me too - those that know us well enough to write relevant/funny messages could do so, those that can't think of anything can wish us their best without worrying about filling an entire page. It would look relaxed and fun, not be overly sentimental, and not take up too much space. We decided that if we can achieve this, we will have a 'book' at our wedding.

We had a look at the thumb print trees, but Gadget felt they were a bit flamboyant for us. He also didn't like the idea of having letters signed like this (shame, I quite liked this):

repin from Pinterest, source currently unclear

So we went back to the drawing board, and also started thinking laterally. Gadget's first idea was to incorporate the guest book into the wedding scrapbook (USA folks will know what I mean, for those in the UK who don't it is a photo album and journal brought together with creative crafting). I love scrapbooking, and will certainly be making a wedding one (unless my mum beats me to it), so this could work well for us. I imagine it will look something like this, but with a photo in the middle of the page.

http://kelocity.com/2011/03/18/our-wedding-scrapbook-is-done/

Then Gadget threw in an idea that came slightly out of left field, but could really work for us. He suggested we got the single artwork from our first dance song printed to 12x12" and have guests sign that. This could either go into the scrapbook (I scrap in 12x12" albums) or be framed to match the LPs we already have on the wall in the UK. Having looked at the artwork for the songs on the short list, only two of them would work. Etsy could rescue us though, with something like this:

no9 images on etsy

That isn't one of our song choices, but you get the idea. I imagine giving people blue and purple pens and getting them to write round the edges. My other contribution was that we might be able to use the artwork from our ceremony reading. Without wanting to give too much away, if you had "The House at Pooh Corner" as a reading, you could use this image for your guests to sign:

image from vcstar.com

The risk with getting guests to sign an image is that they get "carried away" - and Piglet ends up with a moustache. We haven't worked out the answer to that one yet!

That's ok, there's plenty of time

People keep telling me this. Granted, our wedding is 7 months away, and I have reached the point in the planning where there isn't much that needs to be done now, but I still don't buy it. There is nowhere near enough time.

Here's why. 7 months from now to the wedding - of which we are travelling for 1.5 months. So only 5.5 left where anything can be done. Of these 5.5 months, 2.5 will be in NZ and 3 in the UK. During the NZ time, we have to clear out our apartment (including packing, shipping and selling stuff) and fine tune the logistics of leaving. Not too much, but we both work full time and are actually here to have fun and see the country (which means all free weekends are spent seeing places and doing cool things). Plus, there's a whole load of wedding stuff that either can't be done here (meeting the vicar and the venue coordinator) or doesn't make sense to do here (buying dresses for my flower girls - NZ has awful shopping!).

So then we have our 3 months of UK time. Along with the massive list of wedding things that need to happen, we need to buy a car, find a place to live (which will hopefully be in a city we don't know that is a four hour drive from where we're getting married), get jobs and see our friends (who we haven't seen for almost two years). And just to confirm that the list of wedding things really is massive, we have (obviously) done nothing that requires us to be present. This means no ceremony planning, no menu chosen, no decor arranged, almost no wedding party outfits, no flowers chosen and no honeymoon booked. Whilst some of these things are not priorities (and so just need to happen), some of them - like the menu - are. This means that with 3 months to go, key areas of our wedding will not be sorted.

Still think we have plenty of time?!

Planning a marriage

Shockingly, the wedding is only one day. The marriage is meant to last quite a lot longer. So why do we put far more time and effort into the wedding than the marriage?

Now that all the big wedding decisions are made, we're trying to focus on our relationship/marriage. We're not going for actual premarital counselling (although might still consider it), but we are having dinner twice a month where we talk about an area of our relationship and how we can improve it. We had a fairly successful discussion about money, and a slightly less successful chat about communicating better. This is definitely the area we need to work on the most, but I think that's probably true for most couples! We did have a minor breakthrough the other day, when Gadget pointed out that we only disagree about the small stuff, and we communicate pretty well about important things. It shocked me when I realised he was right - why is that?

I got a Relate book from the library which has relationship 'exercises' in. Some of them sound silly, but they may give us something useful to work on. We're both fairly aware of our own flaws, but this doesn't mean we shouldn't discuss them and try and work on them.

Unfortunately the book is quite hard to read, and there's a lot of words to get through before the exercises make sense. I might look for a different book, or just look for exercises online. I think the "I feel blank" exercise might work for me, as I often get frustrated not knowing what's in his head, but I'm not sure if it will help him too. Anyone else tried counselling or relationship exercises? I'd love to hear what worked and what didn't!

The first bump in the road?

When I came up with the title of this post, it very much reflected how I was feeling. Now I'm reading it, it clearly isn't true. Very early on in the planning I had two 'disagreements' with my mum (resolved when we realised we were both misunderstanding the other person); since then it has been pretty smooth sailing. So much so that when this problem became apparent, my dad said it was about time!

We wrote our guest list (provisionally) ages ago, as regular readers will know, and it was very easy. Now the time has come to finalise this list - and we're struggling with it.

Unsurprisingly, it's down to the numbers. Our venue said 56 people was the 'optimum' number of guests because it allowed more freedom with the seating arrangements. We had 54 people on the list with another few possibilities in the wings. We um-ed and ah-ed for ages (far too long, in hindsight) and then contacted the venue to ask about the seating arrangement options. Turns out the seating option that has a maximum of 56 people is the one option we don't want!

Our reception room (like most of the venue) is long and fairly thin. To me, this means the tables also need to be long and thin (i.e. rectangular), otherwise they fight the ambiance of the room rather than complimenting it. Even though we haven't actually seen the venue yet, we have seen pictures of the room set up for different events - one with rectangular tables and one with round tables. I think the round tables look awkward. The seating plan for 56 guests is made up of round tables. Guess what shaped tables we won't be having?!

Having established that we could increase the numbers, that made things much easier and meant we could sort out a few issues within the guest list. So if my friend and his partner get back together I no longer have to un-invite my old housemate, and my future-in-laws can invite some of their closest friends to share the day. I have to confess to having had a brief period of insanity about the second part of this (I don't know them!) then the laid-back, mature bride that I actually am kicked in and said that's your own fault for moving half way round the world! Gadget knows them well, and says they enjoy a good party, and cost is no excuse as previously discussed here. So I'm taking this as motivation to get to know them, and plan to ask my future-in-laws to arrange drinks when we get back.

When we add in the other possible invitees, it means our overall number will go up to nearer 60, but I think we will still keep our small, fun, low-key vibe. Which, as I've said many times, is all that matters.

Sacrificing curls for champagne

That's what my MOH happily volunteered to do when I spoke to her on Sunday. In the calm after the storm (when her hubby had removed the boys into the kitchen) we had a brief chat about the wedding. It's looking like there will be no curls.

Allow me to explain. J went to have her hair curled/put up at their local salon for her wedding anniversary. It took three hours. She assures me that when she has it done in Liverpool it only takes one, so we have no idea what they did differently this time. We don't really have three hours on w-day - okay we do but it would leave no time for make-up, never mind champagne. So as champagne is clearly the most important part of the day, we're going to find a hairstyle for her that doesn't involve so many curls!

We quite like the look of this:

Image from Sam Gibson via Rock my Wedding

with the braid going round the head, but don't really know how the back works or how to describe it to the hairdresser! Anyway, as J doesn't have to match anyone else, she can have whatever she likes. As long as it leaves plenty of time for champagne!

It's all coming together!

Whilst I was busy (not) working last night, I was chatting to my friend about the wedding planning. I showed her the draft of our new invitation, and (unprompted) she said she really liked the wording. She said it was casual and friendly rather than stuffy - phew! One less thing to think about.

I also showed her a picture of the cake that we're basing our cake design on - she loved that too. Then she said something really interesting.

"The invite, and the cake, and the dress - it all fits together. It totally works with what you're trying to do; creates the right mood."

Wow. I was hoping that when we had everything together (i.e. in april), we would manage to create the fun atmosphere we're hoping for. To be told that we're already achieving it is awesome. It makes me glad that we started with the big picture, and have really concentrated on that. We refer to it whenever we need to make a decision - is this us? is it fun? If the answer to those is yes, and it's within budget, the decision is made. It actually makes the decision-making process really easy - we don't worry about the overall 'look,' just the feeling. Although this was number six on the list, it's definitely the top priority.

I hope my friend is right and our process is working. My biggest wish for the day is that us and our guests have a really great time and laugh lots. My other wish is for lots of awesome photos, but this will be made easier if everyone's having fun!

Actually letting go of control

I keep saying that I am trying to be relaxed about details that are not on our priority list. I genuinely mean it, and mainly I think I am achieving it. Or I thought I was.

We've just got back to Auckland after two weeks in the South Pacific. I wasn't planning to do anything wedding related whilst we were there, but the last few days we had wifi and not much else to do. You can guess what happened. I started by catching up on my blog reading, and ended up doing etsy and google image searches. Then I pestered Gadget with my findings.

He was surprisingly agreeable to this. In fact, he found a great idea for an invitation and decided on table names. The table names are still provisional as we don't know how many tables we're having, but they'll be easy to adapt.

The invitation is a more concrete decision. There isn't a finished design, because we've decided to go down the route of having custom artwork on our invites. Given that we're sending evites and there is very little money budgeted for stationary, this would have been a problem if I didn't have a talented brother.

My little brother (who is very tall and not little at all) is an amazing artist and has very kindly agreed to do the artwork for us. I think he'd rather have been asked months ago when he wasn't working and was still in the UK with his graphics tablet, but never mind!

This means that I no longer have control of the invites. I don't have the design to tinker with whenever I want, and I don't get to determine when they'll be ready. I've told my brother the deadline is December, and now I will have to leave him to it until he has something to show me. And that's actually quite hard.

This is the first decision I've made that has meant handing over control. Obviously I'll still approve the final design and text work, but the process is now in the control of someone else. And that feels very odd.

I'm surprised by these feelings, as I haven't had them with other things. My MOH bought shoes for my page boys last week - and I'm very happy with them. I have no need to be present for every purchase or consulted for every decision. If it's not on the priority list, then it just needs to happen.

The invites (and stationary in general) are not on the priority list. Having said that, they are one of the few parts of my wedding that I have thought about over the years. I'm happy with the plan for the invites, and I'm happy that my brother knows what we want. I guess I'll just have to come to terms with feeling a bit out of control!

How's the wedding plans coming along?

This seems to be the question I currently get asked the most. Not really surprising, and nice that family, friends and co-workers are interested (or are at least trying to seem interested!). But I've now reached the point where I'm having a hard time answering it - because it's kind of done.

Don't get me wrong, my to-do list still runs to several pages. What I mean is that there are very few things left on that list that are essential. We have to actually send the invites and meet with the vicar - and that's it. If nothing else gets done or decided on, we can manage. We've done enough to ensure we can be legally wed and have a party afterwards. Which is, surely, the whole point?

I'm determined to remember this every time I start thinking about the details. Avoid "Going Bridal," don't become Bridezilla and have fun. If the detail in question isn't fun, is too expensive or too stressful, then get rid of it.

I think I might make a deadline about a week before the wedding, when everything that isn't done gets deleted from the to-do list. All I'll be left with then is enjoying the run up to the big day - which sounds much better than "finalising centrepieces!"