Delegating away the weeks!

The wedding is approaching rapidly - so rapidly that I have no idea where the time is going! My dad pointed out to me this morning that I haven't blogged since february 12th - oops!

It doesn't help that (as I predicted) I have had many other tasks to do as well. Applications for the job I want to do in August closed yesterday, our flat still isn't completely sorted (we still can't find things!), and apparently life still has to happen too! I'm even multi-tasking now - let's hope I don't burn our dinner whilst I type!

Many things have been crossed of the wedding to do list since I last wrote. The men now have complete outfits (including shirts - previously they were at high risk of having to wear suits only!) and my flower girls have shoes and cardigans. The RSVPs are all in, and so are the meal choices. We've done the table plan, practiced our first dance and ordered the fizz.

The key theme of the last few weeks has been delegation. I think I've done pretty well with this, but I guess that's open to interpretation! Gadget isn't working at the moment, so several fiddly and time-consuming tasks have been done by him. This includes the postcards for the table names, the poster/guest book, and a secret surprise project.

I didn't buy the girl's shoes, my soon to be sister-in-law did. The girls picked them, which means they absolutely love them (they have sparkly butterflies on so that's not really a surprise!), and I didn't have to do anything! My dad has finished the map we're using as the table plan, so I just have the title left to do. He's also doing signposts for the church parking.

My mum and godmother will be having a wine-fuelled craft evening for me, and my MOH is sorting out the bubbles we want to use instead of confetti.

None of the tasks completed so far have turned out exactly how I imagined them. Some are better, the rest are just different. But here's the point - IT DOESN'T MATTER! Everything looks fab, and most importantly it is done! None of the tasks I have delegated were on our priority list, but they all have to happen for the day to run smoothly. I can highly recommend delegating - it has made my life much easier!

What wedding plans?!

Well I have now been in Bristol, my new home city, working in my new job for 2 weeks - and nothing is really sorted! Everything is still everywhere (i.e. impossible to find) and we don't have a proper 'base.' Next week we move into our own flat, and I'm hoping things will get better soon after.

I'm trying to catch up with friends and family who I haven't seen for two years, and they all ask two questions. Are you enjoying being back, and how are  the wedding plans coming along?

I can't enjoy being back, because I haven't had time to realise that I am back! And wedding plans? What wedding plans?!

Apparently our wedding is 10 weeks away. I don't know this becasue I'm counting down, but because my (very excited) friend told me so yesterday. I'm guessing that now is the time that most brides go into planning overload, with table plans, RSVPs, order of service etc to finalise. I can only guess at this though, because I haven't even looked at my planning spreadsheet for two weeks. I can't access it at work (damn the NHS and their weird security ideas!) and we don't have wifi in our temporary flat. So I have very little idea what I'm supposed to be sorting out!

I have (hopefully) managed to get the critical things done. We have found our local church in Bristol and applied to have our Banns read there. (For none Church of England people, if you marry in church you don't go to the registrar's office to get a licence, the church does some odd historically based thing of announcing to the congregation that you're getting married. It has to be done where you live and where you are getting married, and takes a month to do.) So at the very least, our wedding should be legal. I haven't ordered the sparkling wine yet, so it might be a bit sober!

I have also discovered that I might have a job interview the same week as the wedding. Yes folks, three days before the Big Day I might have to talk someone into giving me the most important job of my career. That will really help my stress levels!

Luckily everyone has rallied round and offered to help - so when I can access that planning spreadsheet the first thing I need to do is delegate as many tasks as possible!

Reality bites?

We should be on a plane heading for London Heathrow now. As you can probably tell (or guess if you've seen the news) our flight has been delayed by the snow. We are now expecting to land at around 5pm on Saturday, which means any spare time we had that day has now gone.

Instead, we have some spare time now. I'm sat in my friend's apartment in Mountain View, California reading through my planning spreadsheet and working out what has to happen on Sunday, so that Monday (the Big Wedding Planning Day) flows smoothly. There's a fairly long list:

• List of all the items/questions relating to the venue, church, ceremony, flowers and photography to take with me, and a pen so I can check them off or make notes.
• Working UK credit card and cheque book with me (more tricky than it sounds).
• Figure out how we're getting to our reception venue (hopefully my dad is taking us, but if not it's a bus and a train). 
• Consult with both sets of parents regarding any questions they want us to ask.
• Confirm that the vicar is coming to the house, and not us going to the church!
• I'm sure I've missed something, but I can't work out what yet!

Then, as I was pondering how long this would take me and how jet-lagged I'm going to be on Sunday, another thought occurred to me. I actually get to see all the things we've bought for the wedding but not yet seen! My mum has a whole drawer full (to overflowing) of craft punches, cardstock, books, cake toppers, cufflinks, socks, ties and pocket squares. Then there are the flower girls dresses and page boy suits in the wardrobe. And the icing on the cake - she actually gets to see my dress. On me, in real life, properly done up! That should be a very exciting moment. Maybe Sunday will be ok after all!

I'm Back!

And I'm no longer upside down! My first post of 2013 is coming to you from the Northern Hemisphere - apparently it's pretty cold in the UK but we haven't made it quite that far yet. It was gloriously sunny, if a little chilly, in California today, where I have been shopping. Mostly not wedding related, but it's so nice to have real shops again!

I have bought two things for the wedding - primer (a nice radiating moisturising one, not a shine free one as I have such dry skin) and waterproof eyeliner in a blue slate colour. That's all the make up I'm planning to buy (except a new mascara which I need anyway), but we'll see how the first test run goes soon enough.

I have also sorted another thing for the wedding - my lovely friend who we're staying with here has agreed to do one of the readings. I'm very excited about this, particularly as she likes the reading we've chosen. Gadget has decided we have to buy her the book now (can't remember exactly but I think I've said that our reading is actually a children's story).

So things got a bit crazy just before we left our flat, and I didn't have time to schedule any posts to publish whilst we've been travelling. I' also completely out of date with my blog reading and have slightly lost track of the RSVPs, so I've definitely got some catching up to do! And really, I should get it in before monday because that is The Day of Wedding Planning. I'll tell you about it on tuesday (should have plenty of time to write a long post on the train to see the almost-in-laws).

We land in the UK on Saturday, and my Dress only has to make it on one more flight and a short train ride - although so far the dress has had more room than I have, and has even travelled first class! Thank you Qantas, you've been fantastic.

That's all for now...

Inviting approval?

It has happened - the invites are on their way out! I haven't sent all of them yet, but we've already had seven RSVPs - and a range of positive comments!

I'm pretty relieved about the comments - it was always going to be a risk sending e-vites, but we decided that it was a risk we were prepared to take. You can't please everyone, but  it seems you can please some people - even if you just do what is easiest for you. Several of the replies we've had have included comments about how much they liked the invite and website - some were friends, but one was an older relative - so hopefully we've not upset too many people!

I've also only had one failed delivery email, and my parents were able to provide an alternative address for that person. So now it's a case of watch this space, and hope none of them have been eaten by cyber-space or junk mail filters!

Scheduling a busy day

The last thing I have to do before leaving the country (apart from sending out the invites, but that's a whole separate post) is arrange meetings with all our w-day vendors. I thought I should start with the main ones, so I've arranged to see the vicar on Monday morning, and the venue on Monday afternoon. We'll have only been in the country for 2 days, but there's so much to do before I start my new job (in a new city 5 hours away from where we're getting married) that it feels like I need to get on with things!

Next on the list is the photographer - I'm not sure whether to meet her at the venue, or separately. I'm also not sure if we get a pre-wedding shoot included - if so I have no idea when that's going to happen! Maybe on the same day as my hair trial...except that I don't know when that will be either!

Then I need to see the florist (should only be a 10 minute job), the hairdresser (need to know my work roster first) and my flower girls (to check their dresses fit).

So basically I'm hoping to have one day focused on the wedding, and then it will all be pretty much sorted. Some might say that's optimistic - but I find I get more done when I have more to do. Gadget will just have to manage for one day!

Wedding-y hymns?

One of the slightly random tasks that we've done in the last two weeks has been to choose the hymns for our ceremony. We reverted to our usually planning style - I wrote a short list (with the help of my dad) and then Gadget picked them. So we're having "I vow to thee my country" and "One more step along the world I go."

Whilst these both have some significance to us, we've mainly picked them because we like them. Your church wedding has an area where you can listen to the most popular wedding hymns - our second hymn is actually on the list, but our first is not. This isn't an area where I feel the need to be "different." I quite like singing hymns, so I've picked ones I like singing. Once again, an easy decision. As long as the vicar approves!

It's all happening! (both real life AND the wedding)

I have a job! Hooray! This is one big thing off the list of things I have to sort out/worry about. It means we can look for somewhere to live, a car and a job for Gadget - without a base that was all proving very difficult!

This weekend was also the anniversary of our engagement. We celebrated by going back to the Bay of Islands, and the kiwi sunshine came out to join the party. Yep, we've been engaged for 12 whole months, and the wedding is now less than 5 months away. The invites (evites) will be going out next week - I've already sent my parents some jpg files to print and post (for our less technical guests). It's all starting to seem very real - and very soon!

That means the wedding website had to be completely finished. I thought it was finished a few weeks ago, then my dad checked it for me - on his iPad. It was completely scrambled. Luckily it was relatively easy to fix, although our funny RSVP forms are not iPhone compatible, so they've had to be deleted from the mobile site. I'm planning to add a note to the email suggesting that people should visit the site on a real computer!

Although I have heard that people won't check the website and will just send me emails full of questions. Here's hoping that doesn't happen to all our guests...

Putting planning on hold for real life

The reasons for the lack of posting this week are simple - I've been busy. Not with anything directly related to the wedding, but with two things that have to happen before the wedding.

Firstly, we've packed all our things into boxes to ship back to the UK. That was a painful task - literally (my poor back) and metaphorically (our flat doesn't look the same anymore). It needed to be done though, as it's quite a long way from New Zealand (there's an understatement!) it takes 3 months for the boxes to make the journey - hopefully they're now on their way.

Secondly, I've been applying for jobs. My ideal job was advertised the same day the shipping boxes arrived. I managed to submit the application in plenty of time, so now it's fingers crossed. It'll be hard to afford a honeymoon if I don't have a job!

One thing has been crossed off the planning list this week, but I had very little to do with it. My page boys now have fab grey suits with lilac shirts and purple ties. Apparently they love their suits, and want to know why the wedding isn't earlier so they can wear them! They were also under budget, so my Mum and MOH did an excellent job.

When I've checked with my MOH, I'll post a picture of them posing for photos. For now you'll have to take my word for it that they look adorable!

Wedding planning phase 2 is almost complete!

Because of the logistics of our wedding planning (i.e. living on the other side of the world), there has always been several distinct phases in the planning process. Phase one was picking a date and location and booking the big things (like the photographer), phase two was the remainder of the NZ planning and phase three is the UK part. Today I've realised we're about to finish phase two - although that should have been pretty obvious!

In 2 months we will have moved out of our Auckland apartment and will be on the road in NZ's South Island. So it's a good job phase two is almost complete, because there's not much time left. All the things that are left to do fit into two groups - either arranging to meet people when we get back to the UK (vicar, venue, florist, photographer etc.) or Really Exciting Things!

The Really Exciting Things are choosing the wine (hopefully we're having a wine tasting evening this weekend), picking up my dress, learning some moves for our first dance and sending out the invitations. I've done the less exciting part of the invitations already (writing everyone's names on them) so hopefully sending them out will be an amazing moment rather than a stressful one!

Some of you may have realised that we might struggle to learn moves for our first dance until we've chosen one - by some miracle we both chose the same song from our shortlisted four, so that was another decision made. According to the internet, the song is best suited to a foxtrot - but this might be a bit serious for us so we'll see how it goes!

Crossing things off the list - and adding more things to it!

This week we have crossed a few biggish things off the to-do list. The guest list is finished, including (almost) everyone's contact details. The invites are done, and my brother's artwork looks fab (and I've bought his thank you gift). The wedsite is also essentially sorted - I'm just going to ask a friend to proof read it before we send the invites out. I managed to get Gadget interested enough to choose a reading for the ceremony (although he has no idea who we should ask to read it). And having said I'm going to stop looking for flower girl dresses, I've now bought them! Frilly sparkly Jenny Packham ones from the Debenhams online sale that look perfect for the fairy princesses.

It feels great to check things off the list - even though I've sneaked a couple of new things onto it! Luckily the new things are small, so it still feels like I've made progress.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do about decorating the church - until I saw this post on Rock My Wedding last week. Our church is a beautiful old stone village church, and doesn't need much decor. There will be some flowers, but I'm planning to ask the church's regular flower ladies to make sure the flowers are white/purple/pink (rather than red/yellow/orange) in exchange for a donation, rather than anything too dramatic. I think the stone arches add plenty of character on their own:

Inside our church (photo from genuki.org.uk)

Then I saw these fantastic bright paper pew ends, and decided I wanted them! In royal blue and cadbury purple, maybe with some map paper too? Simple, bright and stunning - sounds like the perfect church decor to me.

Shoot Lifestyle photography via Rock My Wedding

The only catch is that they're heart shaped - which is something I've been trying to avoid. Partly because hearts for a wedding seems too obvious, but mainly because they're a bit sentimental/soppy and so not really us. My current thinking is that it's ok if these are the only hearts we have, but I'll be keeping my eye out for kiwi or airplane alternatives!

Making decisions together

Following our minor revelation that we only seem to argue about little things, I've been thinking about how planning a wedding prepares you for marriage.

The planning process involves some big decisions, and some smaller ones. (True to form, we've only disagreed about the smaller ones - such as the men's ties.) When it came to the where and when, that was easy. In fact, it didn't really feel like a decision. Clearly it was, but it was an obvious one.

The dictionary defines decision as:

1. A conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.
2. The action or process of deciding something or of resolving a question

We tend towards definition 1 when it comes to the big stuff, and for me definition 2 is what makes things feel like decisions. The process of consideration can be gradual, and maybe even subconscious. Whilst we did sit down with a spreadsheet about the short listed venue options, we already knew which venue we wanted. The spreadsheets were just to make sure that Gadget had enough information to feel comfortable (he likes to know about all available options).

We're currently making similar decisions in real life too. We 'decided' to leave New Zealand and go back to the UK. We 'decided' that we didn't want to return to the town we previously called home,  and that initially we would need to rent an apartment. There was no direct action or decision-making process that led to these choices, it was just a gradual realisation. We both wanted the same things, so we just needed to confirm that with a quick chat. There was no difference of opinion to solve, and no compromise to make.

Clearly, this won't always be the case, but I think it's a good sign. Whilst we might not see eye to eye about tie colours (or wall colours in the future), we will hopefully be ok with the house we want to buy.  Even if we're not, that's what marriage is about - an equal partnership where both contributors get their ideas and feelings listened to and valued.

I worry that some brides plan their w-day with their mums rather than their man, but I think today's grooms actually want to be involved in the planning process. This creates lots of opportunities to practice your negotiation and compromising techniques - or a lot of opportunities to fight. Wedding blogs are full of brides despairing that they've spent their engagement arguing - and more than they ever have before. But then you've never had to make this many decisions before, so that's probably not a surprise.

I'm trying hard to use these small disagreements as conflict resolution training, rather than simply conflict. And I used 'I' deliberately there - I am the fighter in our relationship. It's what I've grown up with, and it's hard to break old habits. Gadget has grown up with almost the opposite pattern - no arguing, but also very little sharing or discussion. So when we disagree, we approach it from entirely opposite angles. We're both having to learn to change our behaviour - clearly my loud, aggressive approach isn't helpful, but neither is his head-in-sand won't say what I think/feel.

Our guest book dilemma

I've been to weddings with guest books - but have I been to weddings without them? I have no idea - because writing in them is clearly not the highlight of my day. In fact (depending how well you know the couple) it can actually become a chore. What on earth do you write?

I always feel pressure to come up with something funny/meaningful, but often fail to achieve this. In the USA, it seems to be traditional to assign someone to the guest book, to ensure everyone signs it. In the UK, it is more commonly passed around the tables after dinner and people make their own choice whether to sign or not. I certainly feel compelled to sign when I am passed a book - even if it is with the uninspiring "best wishes."

Also, what do you do with them afterwards? (Seriously, anyone who is married reading this please tell me!) I have a yearbook from school and one from university - mainly they sit in a cupboard and get ignored. What is the point of a wedding guest book if this is where it ends up?

As with all wedding traditions that aren't important or immediately obvious to us, we set about questioning the guest book concept. What is the point of one? Where did it come from? Do we want one, or is it wasting money?

The WIC naturally has plenty to say on the need for a guestbook, and ideas for how you can spend more money on one. During my research, though, it was yahoo answers rather than the WIC that cracked me up - one person had commented that a guest book was a must as people "sign in" then add their address so you know where to send the thank you note. I wasn't aware attendance at weddings was monitored like attendance at school - and if you didn't have their address how exactly did you manage to invite them?!

On a more serious note though, it appears that this may have been the original purpose of guest books. Presumably there was a time when the couple did not get to choose their wedding guests, and the invites were actually sent out by the bride's parents. In that case, having everyone's names and addresses would be pretty useful. But does anyone actually do this now?

The there are the people who think a guestbook helps you remember who was there to share your big day. Excuse me for being cynical, but if you can't remember who was there I think you may have invited too many people who aren't important to you.

Of course, there are lots of options for personalised guest books and guest book alternatives. There are works of art your guests can help you create, or you can use a Photo Booth or video camera for a more visual 'book' (for simplicity, I'm going to refer to all ideas as 'books' for now). These sound like neat ideas, but still doesn't really answer the question of what couples hope to achieve. What do you want that book to do or mean?

For us, anything that will end up in a cupboard is pointless (we're not big on sentimental clutter). So it needs to be visually attractive in order to be displayed. Gadget thought it should look like a big card signed by lots of people - such as a work leaving card. This appealed to me too - those that know us well enough to write relevant/funny messages could do so, those that can't think of anything can wish us their best without worrying about filling an entire page. It would look relaxed and fun, not be overly sentimental, and not take up too much space. We decided that if we can achieve this, we will have a 'book' at our wedding.

We had a look at the thumb print trees, but Gadget felt they were a bit flamboyant for us. He also didn't like the idea of having letters signed like this (shame, I quite liked this):

repin from Pinterest, source currently unclear

So we went back to the drawing board, and also started thinking laterally. Gadget's first idea was to incorporate the guest book into the wedding scrapbook (USA folks will know what I mean, for those in the UK who don't it is a photo album and journal brought together with creative crafting). I love scrapbooking, and will certainly be making a wedding one (unless my mum beats me to it), so this could work well for us. I imagine it will look something like this, but with a photo in the middle of the page.

http://kelocity.com/2011/03/18/our-wedding-scrapbook-is-done/

Then Gadget threw in an idea that came slightly out of left field, but could really work for us. He suggested we got the single artwork from our first dance song printed to 12x12" and have guests sign that. This could either go into the scrapbook (I scrap in 12x12" albums) or be framed to match the LPs we already have on the wall in the UK. Having looked at the artwork for the songs on the short list, only two of them would work. Etsy could rescue us though, with something like this:

no9 images on etsy

That isn't one of our song choices, but you get the idea. I imagine giving people blue and purple pens and getting them to write round the edges. My other contribution was that we might be able to use the artwork from our ceremony reading. Without wanting to give too much away, if you had "The House at Pooh Corner" as a reading, you could use this image for your guests to sign:

image from vcstar.com

The risk with getting guests to sign an image is that they get "carried away" - and Piglet ends up with a moustache. We haven't worked out the answer to that one yet!

Planning for the future - at the expense of the present?

I have a confession to make today - I like planning. Planning the wedding is unlikely to make me stressed (it will be decisions, other people and money that achieve that), because if I don't have something to plan I feel a bit lost. My planning skills are slightly legendary in our family - I have been known to plan trips like a military operation!

I'm not sure if I'm a natural-born planner, or if it's a skill I learnt as a teenager. I suffered with unpredictable migraines so had to plan everything, allow contingency time and get everything done as early as possible. If I left things until the day before, you could guarantee I wouldn't be well enough to do anything that day. So I planned.

As an adult, prior to planning the wedding, I spent most of my time planning holidays and trips. I've done this so often now that's it's a well oiled routine - and generally doesn't take that long. Having said that, I still occasionally get caught out - for our upcoming trip to Tasmania it took me ages to work out the route.

The problem with enjoying planning is that you can get carried away with it. I discussed yesterday's post (about how much there is do to in the next 7 months) with my dad, who was slightly blasé about it;  he seems to have complete confidence in my ability to plan and organise five different things at once. He thought there was no reason do try and do things before January (except the invites, clearly) because it will all work out.

Which, to give him his due, it probably will. Once I get back to the UK it will be straight into full on planning mode, and the giant to-do list I mentioned will get slashed in half pretty quickly. So why am I wasting time now on things that aren't priorities and will be much easier to do in January?

I'm not really sure of the answer to that, but I think it has to do with wanting to finish everything before the deadline (as I've trained myself to do). Leaving tasks until they have to be done makes me nervous. I also feel slightly like everything is on hold - not just the wedding planning, but my career plans, the plan for our future home etc. There is so much to plan, yet nothing to plan now. Which means I should stop wasting time trawling the internet for flower girl dresses, and decided where to go for our date night this week.

In summary, I should stop planning and start living. Even if it is only temporarily, and is clearly easier said than done.

That's ok, there's plenty of time

People keep telling me this. Granted, our wedding is 7 months away, and I have reached the point in the planning where there isn't much that needs to be done now, but I still don't buy it. There is nowhere near enough time.

Here's why. 7 months from now to the wedding - of which we are travelling for 1.5 months. So only 5.5 left where anything can be done. Of these 5.5 months, 2.5 will be in NZ and 3 in the UK. During the NZ time, we have to clear out our apartment (including packing, shipping and selling stuff) and fine tune the logistics of leaving. Not too much, but we both work full time and are actually here to have fun and see the country (which means all free weekends are spent seeing places and doing cool things). Plus, there's a whole load of wedding stuff that either can't be done here (meeting the vicar and the venue coordinator) or doesn't make sense to do here (buying dresses for my flower girls - NZ has awful shopping!).

So then we have our 3 months of UK time. Along with the massive list of wedding things that need to happen, we need to buy a car, find a place to live (which will hopefully be in a city we don't know that is a four hour drive from where we're getting married), get jobs and see our friends (who we haven't seen for almost two years). And just to confirm that the list of wedding things really is massive, we have (obviously) done nothing that requires us to be present. This means no ceremony planning, no menu chosen, no decor arranged, almost no wedding party outfits, no flowers chosen and no honeymoon booked. Whilst some of these things are not priorities (and so just need to happen), some of them - like the menu - are. This means that with 3 months to go, key areas of our wedding will not be sorted.

Still think we have plenty of time?!

The first bump in the road?

When I came up with the title of this post, it very much reflected how I was feeling. Now I'm reading it, it clearly isn't true. Very early on in the planning I had two 'disagreements' with my mum (resolved when we realised we were both misunderstanding the other person); since then it has been pretty smooth sailing. So much so that when this problem became apparent, my dad said it was about time!

We wrote our guest list (provisionally) ages ago, as regular readers will know, and it was very easy. Now the time has come to finalise this list - and we're struggling with it.

Unsurprisingly, it's down to the numbers. Our venue said 56 people was the 'optimum' number of guests because it allowed more freedom with the seating arrangements. We had 54 people on the list with another few possibilities in the wings. We um-ed and ah-ed for ages (far too long, in hindsight) and then contacted the venue to ask about the seating arrangement options. Turns out the seating option that has a maximum of 56 people is the one option we don't want!

Our reception room (like most of the venue) is long and fairly thin. To me, this means the tables also need to be long and thin (i.e. rectangular), otherwise they fight the ambiance of the room rather than complimenting it. Even though we haven't actually seen the venue yet, we have seen pictures of the room set up for different events - one with rectangular tables and one with round tables. I think the round tables look awkward. The seating plan for 56 guests is made up of round tables. Guess what shaped tables we won't be having?!

Having established that we could increase the numbers, that made things much easier and meant we could sort out a few issues within the guest list. So if my friend and his partner get back together I no longer have to un-invite my old housemate, and my future-in-laws can invite some of their closest friends to share the day. I have to confess to having had a brief period of insanity about the second part of this (I don't know them!) then the laid-back, mature bride that I actually am kicked in and said that's your own fault for moving half way round the world! Gadget knows them well, and says they enjoy a good party, and cost is no excuse as previously discussed here. So I'm taking this as motivation to get to know them, and plan to ask my future-in-laws to arrange drinks when we get back.

When we add in the other possible invitees, it means our overall number will go up to nearer 60, but I think we will still keep our small, fun, low-key vibe. Which, as I've said many times, is all that matters.

Bridal bookshelf

I'm currently reading my way through most of the wedding books in our library (and it's a pretty big library). I started with all the planning ones, but I'm not sure I could recommend any of them. Go with the blogs when it comes to ideas and how-to's, they're much more modern and realistic.

Now I'm reading 'perspective' books - i.e. how to keep your wedding planning in perspective. Just after we got engaged Gadget got me a book, without any prompting from me, called "Emotionally Engaged: A girl's guide to surviving the happiest time of her life." I think he got it as a joke, but it was actually really helpful. It gives ideas on how to cope when your engagement and wedding planning isn't what you'd previously dreamed it would be.

Ours definitely isn't. Not that it isn't good - I love planning things - but it was hard to accept breaking the news by Facebook, a limited number of cards, and having my mum on the opposite side of the world during the early decisions.

I then read "Going Bridal," which was hard to read at times but has given me a new terminology - wedding P&O (planning and organising). I've also read "One Perfect Day - the selling of the American wedding." This I absolutely recommend - and I kind of wish I'd read it earlier in the planning process. Not that I would change our plans, but it definitely helped put those "must have" items into perspective. Including the dress.

I've just finished "Offbeat Bride," the book that led to the blog. This was also a great book to read - how to change the status quo without upsetting your family and friends. In short, how to keep your wedding yours. Sensible advice interspersed with off-the-wall ideas and amusing anecdotes made this not only easy to read but also inspirational. I mentioned before that I haven't got very far into the Offbeat bride blog (you have to apply to join their forums), but every time I want to search for something outside the mainstream bridal media Google turns up something useful from OBB.  Like Lego button holes...

I'd love to say that everyone should read Offbeat Bride and One Perfect Day before being allowed to spend any money on their wedding - but even I realise that would never work. Some people genuinely want the mainstream, fairytale day, and even many of those that don't probably need to start mainstream before becoming disillusioned and moving sideways.

My reluctance to involve myself with the WIC was present from the start - partly from a budget perspective and partly because I've been to several weddings that were very similar. I was determined not to spend a fortune on one day, and to have a wedding that looked like us. But I still started my journey in the traditional place - with bridal magazines and their infamous checklists. Then I looked at The Knot (actually their Look Book was worth a glance - I wouldn't buy it though), Brides.com, and 'pretty' blogs (snippet and ink and green wedding shoes are my poison of choice!). It wasn't until later that I found 2000dollarwedding and had this epiphany.

So my advice to the newly engaged? Do what you want - just be aware there are choices outside the mainstream. And seriously consider reading Offbeat Bride and One Perfect Day!

D-I-Mac?

What is it called if your DIY involves a MacBook Air rather than paper and glue? I have no idea, but it doesn't feel like real DIY to me. It'll have to do for now though, as I'm on the other side of the planet with none of my usual craft supplies. I don't even have superglue here (when my headphones broke I repaired them at work with skin glue!). By the time I get access to my scissors and stamps again, the wedding will be less than three months away. So anything that can be done-by-mac (i.e. done now) will be time saved in February.

This week I've been busy with my track-pad and Photoshop Elements. I've done the first drafts of both the menu cards and the table plan cards (my dad is - hopefully - working on the background that the cards will be attached to). I'd also done an icebreaker card, but after an exhausting conversation with Gadget we're not sure it will work for our small wedding, so we've scrapped it.

Sticking with our non-themes of travel and New Zealand, I've hopefully managed to add a little fun and personality to the stationary. The menus look quite good, although I'm sure there will be several more drafts before they're finished. Even if we change nothing else, our custom artwork (whilst making excellent progress) is far from finished, and it's hard to judge the balance of a page when there's a key piece missing. I also firmly believe that you should view things as you intend them to be seen; if you're going to view it on a screen then you can approve it on a screen, but if the end result will be printed then you need to print it. For wedding purposes, that means I have to print everything, as some people will need to receive an actual invite (rather than an evite). So glad I have colour printing at work...

I've also done the umpteenth draft of the invites. I've mentioned the invites before, but finally I think we're getting somewhere with them. Having thrown out the original plans and used Gadget's new idea, the invites look completely different. They also feel different - they are modern, uncluttered, bold and have a couple of secret ingredients on too! Today's changes include a slight wording alteration that allows us to write our guests' names on the actual invite - as we don't have envelopes and are limiting the numbers I think this is quite important. Gadget is uncertain of the new layout though, so I may have to seek a third party opinion. Thoughts please Dad!

I've also started the postcards that will make up the reverse side of our table names. This was actually really easy - I just created a postcard template in Photoshop, added the stamp from our save-the-dates and then adjusted the text until it looked right. Now I just need to select the photos for the front, and maybe add a frame. And as these don't contain any secret ingredients, I can put them up here for all to see and comment on!

The name card for the top table
Not sure there will be a frame on the real thing, had to add it for ease of on screen viewing 

Next on the list is the Order of Service and signposting for the car park. The thank you cards are already in progress, as are the place cards. It looks like the place cards will be the most labour-intensive stationary item - but also the most handmade. We may need to stamp and emboss the names onto each card individually; at the very least they'll need to be handwritten. Add this to the fact that the cards themselves are going to have to be hand-cut (we can't find a punch or die-cut big enough) and you'll understand why I'm doing everything else so early!

How to make wedding planning fun

Today we've done two things on the wedding to-do list - and we enjoyed doing both of them. Whoever said wedding planning was stressful clearly isn't doing it our way!

This morning we drove out to Kumeu in West Auckland to go wine tasting. The wine merchant our venue works with has suggested three wines from Babich - and as their office is only 20 minutes from our apartment, it would be rude not to give them a go! We tried two of the suggested wines (the merlot cabernet was ok, and the chardonnay we're not sure about) and bought a bottle of the Gimlett Gravels syrah for $10. They didn't have any open to try, but we tried their other syrah and really liked it. The plan is to try the Gimlett Gravels with dinner one night this week, and we think that might be the red wine we choose for the wedding.

Us with what is hopefully our wedding Syrah at Babich Winery

Whilst we were in Kumeu we stopped in at Soljan's vineyard for wine tasting and lunch - they had a really interesting sparkling muscat (no, mum, we can't bring you a bottle back!) - and then went to Cooper's Creek for more tastings. All in all it was a good day, despite the heavy rain that stopped us carrying on to the hot springs as we'd planned.

This evening we've been narrowing down the choices for our first dance song. After extensive research we had a long list of 19, and reading the lyrics carefully ruled three of those out. I recommend reading lyrics - one of the songs I quite liked sounded like it was about self harm, and many well-used first dance songs are actually about breaking up.

Then I got technical (it's the only way to go with Gadget around). We didn't have all the songs on the list, so I went onto Spotify and created a playlist with them all in. After dinner we listened to each song briefly, and ruled a couple out for being too soppy. The last few songs on the list were clearly not as good as the early songs, so they went as well.

This left us with nine songs, five of which we had in iTunes. We bought the other four, as we figured we must like them a lot for them to make it into the top 10! Then came the fun part - we tried dancing round the living room to all nine songs. Unfortunately The Wannadies "you and me song" is very hard to dance too, so that was off the list along with four others.

So we have a short list of four songs, which are now in an iTunes playlist for us to listen to on the way to work and attempt to make a decision. They're fairly diverse - there's one from 2006 and one from 2007, with the other two being from 1959 and 1977! They range from big band to ballad, and from soft rock to mainstream pop. It could be a tricky choice, but I'll happily dance to any of them. And no, I'm not saying what they are - not yet at least!

Cyber-space support

Some time ago I made a breakthrough in staying sane during wedding planning. I found a link on frugal wed and proceeded to link-hop from there.

I ended up on A Los Angeles Love reading this, this and this. Then I went onto Offbeat Bride, Broke-Ass Bride and offbeat bride again. All sensible, rational posts about why wedding planning is crazy and how to say no to the craziness.

The problem with planning a wedding is that's it's essential to have some support, ideally someone who's going through the same thing who understands what you're feeling. Otherwise the craziness becomes overwhelming, and I suspect you have to give in to it. Unless you happen to have a like-minded engaged friend, this support may not be easy to find. I have three engaged friends; one is planning a chic Cape Town wedding, one is not planning anything because she can't work out what country to have the wedding in, and the third is, like me, planning a UK wedding from NZ but is earlier in the process.

This is where blogs are really helpful. I haven't joined the ranks of Offbeat Bride - I'm having a church wedding and a sit-down meal reception, it doesn't sound very Offbeat - although Ariel says that maybe she should have named it Authentic Bride, because you shouldn't be offbeat just for the sake of it. I also haven't read much of Broke-Ass Bride, as I'm still struggling with the idea that my wedding is a budget wedding. I have found lots of independent bloggers who comment on posts and offer advice - and this is awesome.

I've also been contacted by someone I went to university with. We lost touch after graduation but she saw my blog link on Facebook and has been reading it regularly. Her wedding is in the same area as mine, but a couple of months later. She's sent me a few messages with questions and details of her day, and I'm hoping we can help each other through the process!

I think I expected my support network to be mainly my closest friends - but they're not in the same place right now and I'm wary of boring them with details. I'm glad that I've found people who want to talk weddings, although I may need to search for some new blogs as they're all getting married before me!

Note: the blog has reached 4000 hits today! Very exciting!