The one year wobble

This week the dress wobbles kicked in. From what I've read, having dress wobbles is not unusual. I would imagine that most brides have them earlier on in the planning process thou, rather than waiting until the last minute!

The wobble has been creeping up on me for a couple of weeks. I'm going to follow the well trodden path of blaming wedding blogs for sowing the seeds of doubt - there are just so many gorgeous dresses featured on the blogs, and what if mine isn't as nice? I have to say that the dresses I pine over are usually real wedding posts, not styled shoots or dress collections. I'm not sure whether I can simply relate to the brides better, or if it's more complicated than that. Maybe my aversion to strapless dresses puts me off?!

I don't think the wobble is based on anything other that not having seen The Dress for 2 months. I am very much hope that on Saturday, when I put The Dress on with all the accessories (and my hair will be done too) that the wobbles will go away. If they don't then mum and auntie J could be in for a fun evening!

The wobble got so bad on Friday that I called my mum (who has The Dress) to reassure me. It wasn't until I got a text from her this morning that I realised the significance of Friday - it was exactly one year since I'd ordered The Dress. Coincidence?

The virtual mommy moment

When I went dress shopping with my mum, there was never a moment where we felt like we'd found The Dress. There were no tears, no dancing and no hugging. This morning I showed my parents my dress on skype, and my mum had a moment.

I don't think there were tears, and clearly you can't hug over skype, but she did say it is definitely The Dress. She actually said she'd expected to have that moment when we were shopping, as she had it with my MOH J (her little sister) when they shopped for J's wedding dress. Now she knows why she didn't have it with me - because we hadn't found The Dress.

I'm glad we all had the clarity to realise that back in April, and the vision to create the right dress. I had my moment the first time I tried the dress on (despite it being in several pieces), and my mum had hers today - even though I couldn't do the dress up on my own and had to hold it together at the back! As long as Gadget approves in April, we'll be all sorted!

Note: title adapted from "One Perfect Day" by Rebecca Mead

Saying "YAY" to the dress

My wedding dress is now in our spare room wardrobe. I think this should feel more momentous than it does, but it actually feels a bit surreal. The dress is gorgeous, everything I wanted, and fits perfectly - but I went to collect it on my own and then put it in the boot and went to the supermarket!

I'm going to Skype my parents in a few days (when Gadget is at work) so that they can see it, and I'm hoping that's when the emotion will arrive. But there is a chance it might not. The wedding is still 6 months away, so most people haven't even had a fitting at this stage. Actually having the dress at home feels a bit premature.

I also have to remember the instructions on where all the fastenings are myself - normally the dressmaker would give them to the bride's mum or MOH (i.e. the person who'll be doing up the dress on the day), but clearly that wasn't an option for me. I'm sure my mum will manage to find the hidden eye for the hook and figure out the button loops - she is a sewer herself after all!

I don't really know what else to say in this post. I'm not having dress doubts (in fact I'm 100% confident that I made the right decisions) but I'm not dancing or crying either. But I think I'm ok with that.

It sounds like you don't care about your wedding!

This is what my mum said to me during yesterday's Skype call. Before anyone gets all uppity that she would even think such a thing, she was right. It did sound like I don't care - for a very good reason.

The conversation was about dresses for my flower girls. Having said the other day that I need to stop looking for them, I've now found four possible options. Clearly I haven't managed to stop looking - but that's not the point of this post. I called my mum because it's hard to know from a website image what colour the dresses actually are, and she very kindly agreed to go and look at them for me. One of the options was an ivory dress, and one was pale gold. Both colours could work - but equally both could look a bit odd next to my dress (which is cream/champagne coloured). The other two dresses were cream, but were made of material that might snag too easily.

So I gave my mum full authority to make a decision - if one of the dresses looks good, buy it. If they don't, then we'll keep looking. Then I said something along the lines of I don't really mind, do whatever you think will work, but it's not March so we're not desperate. That was when my mum made her comment - whilst laughing.

So I agreed with her. I care a bit - the girls want sparkly princess dresses and I want a peaceful day, so they'll be getting sparkly princess dresses. I don't want their dresses to look awkward next to mine. But that's it - past that point I don't care. Flower girl dresses are not on the priority list, so they don't get over-thought and no stress is allowed. As long as we have two dresses at the end of April that are in budget and that the girls are happy to wear, that is all I require. (Alright, maybe they need shoes and cardigans too, but you get the point!)

Honeymoon wardrobe

I've been considering this post for a while, and rock my wedding's packing post yesterday has spurred me into action.

I am a pack-light-and-wash-your-clothes type of packer. I'm also a plan-it-as-far-in-advance-as-possible packer - Gadget, unsurprisingly, is a do-it-all-the-night-before type. There are always lists - actually there is a master list on the computer which I print out and adapt to each trip. I based it on this list which you can download (it's actually from the University of Sheffield, and whilst not perfect is one of the best I've found). Itchy feet (an outdoor retailer in the UK) also do lists for specific trips which are worth looking at through their website.

So I start with the list, then I lay everything out on the bed. Then comes the key part - I work out what NOT to take. The temptation to add things at this point is huge - I promise you don't need them. We've just been to the pacific with 24 kg of luggage between us - 8kg checked each and 4kg hand luggage. This included four bottles of sunscreen, 2 snorkels and masks, an iPad and a DSLR camera - and we still had too much stuff.

Now for the part I think is the trickiest - working out what clothes to take that serve many purposes, go with everything, are light-weight and quick drying and don't make you look like a tramp/gap year student. Particularly important for your honeymoon, when you actually want photos of you looking nice. Rohan do some good items for those of you in the UK - they look like regular clothes but are high tech so are lightweight and crease resistant. (I've got my eye on their cardigans at the moment, but I'm not sure purple is the right colour to get.) I usually have to settle for half-way decent with holiday pics, but I'm working up to 'nice'!

This recently discovered post should help. I tried putting this into practice on our pacific trip, and I think  it worked. I took neutral bottoms (skirt, shorts and trousers - one of each) and brightly coloured tops, plus one dress. I left my dressy flip-flops in the UK though, so had to just use my comfy casual ones - they were fine for the no-dress code pacific (much as they are in NZ).

I also took a very minimal amount of make-up - lip gloss, mascara, coloured kohl eyeliner and a mini mousse foundation that works as a concealer too. That added almost no weight, took up very little space but was enough to make me feel dressed up. Because I felt more confident, I smiled more, and that's reflected in the pictures.

This post (provided by a RMW commenter) has some good ideas on packing toiletries and electronics. I think even I would struggle to pare down my toiletries as far as she has, but you definitely do not need the whole bathroom cabinet. 200mls of shampoo will last two people 3-4 weeks, 50g of toothpaste not quite as long. This stuff is heavy, and there's very few places you go where you can't replace it.

If you like to read, I have to recommend you go electronic. Get a kindle or sony e-reader - then you can take six books (or sixty books!) without any extra weight. I'm not going to talk about packing electronics, because I live and travel with a gadget freak and we take way too much. I'm working on it!

Finally, do not scrimp on the essentials. Make sure your passport is valid, check visa and entry requirements (do you really want to be fined £200 because you didn't know you can't bring food into NZ?) and get yourself insured. Then you can sit back, relax, and hopefully enjoy your honeymoon upgrade!

Sacrificing curls for champagne

That's what my MOH happily volunteered to do when I spoke to her on Sunday. In the calm after the storm (when her hubby had removed the boys into the kitchen) we had a brief chat about the wedding. It's looking like there will be no curls.

Allow me to explain. J went to have her hair curled/put up at their local salon for her wedding anniversary. It took three hours. She assures me that when she has it done in Liverpool it only takes one, so we have no idea what they did differently this time. We don't really have three hours on w-day - okay we do but it would leave no time for make-up, never mind champagne. So as champagne is clearly the most important part of the day, we're going to find a hairstyle for her that doesn't involve so many curls!

We quite like the look of this:

Image from Sam Gibson via Rock my Wedding

with the braid going round the head, but don't really know how the back works or how to describe it to the hairdresser! Anyway, as J doesn't have to match anyone else, she can have whatever she likes. As long as it leaves plenty of time for champagne!

The Dress Trilogy - part 4

So the nerves I talked about in part 3 have gone, to be replaced with something else that makes my stomach churn - excitement! I've been for the first try on of The Dress today - and it was everything I'd hoped it would be. All the details that my friend and I spent weeks analysing, and my mum and I spent hours choosing are starting to come together.

It's still in several pieces, but it already looks good. The colour suits me, the lace looks perfectly balanced, the shape is right and it goes really well with my shoes. It feels like my dress. I can finally start to imagine what I'll look like walking down the aisle to my hubby-to-be - and it makes me want to jump up and down!

Now I just have to work out how to send the photos to my mum whilst hiding them from Gadget!

I'm going back again in two weeks for the second fitting, when it will be in one piece - a whole dress just for me! I'm pretty confident the whole will be greater than the sum of it's parts, but watch this space!

Why is underwear overkill?

I realise that wedding day underwear has to be fairly specific - neutral and line free under the Dress, and comfy enough so you don't fiddle with it. (All eyes will be on you, remember.) But some people seem to have some really odd ideas about what is appropriate or normal attire under your wedding dress.

One of the books I read repeatedly referred to being naked before you put your dress on. Is there seriously a group of brides out there who go underwear-less on the big day?! I can't think of anything worse! I understand that if you have a well-boned gown with a built-in bra you maybe don't need a separate bra, but surely you still need pants?

Then it seems most "bridal lingerie" sets are a strapless bra and matching thong/g-string. Surely two of the most uncomfortable undergarments known to woman?!

Then there is the corset brigade. One of the dress shops I went to was obsessed with them, and several other people have mentioned them too. I put one dress on and my lovely father told me I needed to do some stomach crunches before I could wear it (!) - the sales answer was a corset. She even offered me one to try on under the dress. So in addition to wearing a boned gown, a train and a veil (none of which seem comfortable) I now have to wear a corset underneath? Not a chance - I want to eat on my wedding day!

Am I the only person who will be wearing the most comfortable thing I can find that goes under the dress? I may end up needing a strapless bra, but I will be wearing shorts rather than a thong. I'll also be wearing tights, because shoes always rub me if I have bare feet. I can only find my size in a few stores, but I like this set from Debenhams. Bring on the bling, even if I'm the only one who'll know it's there!

Note: My dad was right, although I'm still not sure he's allowed to say things like that!

Bridezilla? Try groomzilla!

I love that Gadget is involved with the wedding planning, and genuinely cares about the details of the day. But this week he has taken caring to a whole new level, from which the only sane option was rapid and complete RETREAT!

We don't plan in the same way, and are very aware of this. So whilst we are planning the wedding together, that does not literally mean we sit together researching the same topic. That inevitably leads to me getting annoyed with the length of time it takes him to make a decision (he's as bad with holidays, food etc.) and him then feeling pressured. I do my research (making almost instant 'no' or 'maybe' decisions) and present him with my results. He then goes away and does his research, spends ages thinking, and then comes back to me with his opinion/decision. Then we jointly agree on the decision, and one of us carries it out.

I mentioned earlier that we've been struggling to find blue and purple ties. My parents went shopping this week and found some, so they emailed us photos. The photos don't represent the colours accurately, and Gadget can't cope with this. Add to this that fact that the Thomas Pink website is still on dial-up speed, and his research becomes difficult.

He is very concerned with how the ties will look in photos, and that the outfits mustn't look "cluttered." You'll have to take my word for it when I say there is no chance of that - his idea of cluttered is most people's idea of fairly plain. I suspect he will end up waiting until he can see the ties for himself, which means January at the earliest.

I belong to the "decision made, job done, one less thing to think about" school of planning. There's already too much stuff that has to wait until January. I would have told my Dad to buy four ties, and happily crossed it off the to-do list. Instead I got a headache listening to Gadget's concerns about the size of the pattern and how it wouldn't look right if there was any other shade/colour on the tie.

So choosing ties has come off my to-do list, and onto his. I am having nothing more to do with it (Dad please take note all future emails go to his inbox!) apart from setting the budget. I feel better already!

Outfits for the boys

I'm going to have two page boys at the wedding - not because page boys are essential, but because the two boys are an important part of my life, and I wanted to recognise that at the wedding. It gives me a chance to look at some really cute outfits though - I've got ideas about waistcoat and trouser suits from next, with ties to match the men, and maybe sneakers instead of proper shoes. Something like this:

Image from Andrew Scott Clarke via love my dress

How cute is the little one on the right with the bright blue shoes?! It seems that a lot of places don't do suits for 2 year olds though, or if they do they're not the same as the older boys' suits. I've managed to find a lilac shirt/grey waistcoat/trouser combo for £34 from Next, or Matalan have grey suits for £30-£35 that start from age/size 18months (check them out on Pinterest). I also love the ideas on this blog, written by a fellow North Yorkshire bride.

The eldest will be happy as long as he's wearing the same as his heroes - his Uncle G (my dad), Gagdet and his Daddy. The little one will be happy as long as he gets to copy his big brother. I'm sure the clothes will end up less-than-clean/almost ruined (especially if we ask the Lodge to put the football nets up!), so I'm not prepared to spend a fortune. I feel a visit to the Next Clearance shop may be in order!

Outfits for the men

As I've spent the last three posts talking about my outfit, I thought it was time to turn the tables. Hope everyone had a good 4th of July? I love fireworks!

Gagdet's suit should be ready today - I'm really excited to see it, I have high hopes for him looking fab on the big day. He still needs a shirt and tie, and has decided to wear a waistcoat (so that he stands out from the other men). I can't see how a "traditional wedding waistcoat" (the kind you'd hire with your suit) is going to go with his slim fit merino wool pinstriped suit, but he disagrees. He thinks a cream satin waistcoat will work, but grey or navy won't. Hopefully once we have the suit it will be easier to work out what looks best!

We're asking the men in the wedding party (the dads and Gadget's brother/best man) to wear their own grey or black suit. We haven't decided what to do about shirts yet, but we'll be supplying ties and pocket squares for them all. It's proving tricky to find blue and purple ties, but we're working on that one!

This is the kind of thing I have in mind for the end result:

Image from Green Wedding Shoes

Gadget's suit is slightly darker than this, so we may need to go with a light coloured waistcoat, but the array of purple ties is fab!

The Dress - part 3

It's just occurred to me that I should have written a trilogy in four parts - my dad would appreciate that (so would Gadget, except he doesn't read this!). Maybe I'll think of a final instalment later...

My parents arrived at the end of March, and the big shopping day was set for April 5th. I'd had a final blast of inspiration from rock my wedding, plus reassurance from Jenny that it's a good idea to take your time finding the perfect dress!

I took both of my parents shopping with me. Many people (Dad included!) have been shocked/appalled/baffled by the thought of my dad going dress shopping, but he was much more analytical and specific than my mum (as we knew he would be; she was more emotional). We went back to Jenny's and Jessica Bridal, and they liked the Jessica dresses but not the Jenny's ones. They could see why I was having problems with the train - and also why I'd decided against a veil (they look ridiculous on me). My dad also said that some of the dresses were wearing me, and not the other way around. There was one in particular that my friend and I loved, and my dad hated (the word used was "yuk"). Clearly not the reaction I wanted!

So we went back to the dressmaker where I'd tried on my very first dress, and she's going to make my dress. It's inspired by one of the Jessica dresses and a second anonymous dress, but takes details from several different dresses so will be totally unique. This is where my mum's talents came to the fore - she used to make dresses quite often, and actually made my gown for my university Leaver's Ball, so she was able to talk technically with my dressmaker about the details. I can't tell you about the second dress as it gives too much away, but it contains elements from both of my grandma's wedding dresses and was the closest I came to having "the moment."

Here's what I will tell you. It's cream, has straps, some lace, and no train. I couldn't show you a picture even if I wanted to, as there isn't any! I'm more than a bit nervous about ordering a dress that I've never seen, let alone tried on, but I'm trying to have faith! It was also very reasonably priced, especially for a custom made gown (the Jessica dress was nearly twice as much).

The Dress - part 2

It took me about a month to recover from the first dress shopping day. I then had to start thinking clearly. I booked my friend for another dress day, and found two more places to try. One was on the North Shore and was hopeless. The next was in Newmarket and was recommended by a friend - Jenny's Bridal, who don't charge to try on on weekdays.

Jenny's had some gorgeous dresses, and the same pattern followed as before. I actually tried some strapless dresses, and was very relieved when they didn't suit me! The dresses that looked best were more detailed than I'd originally planned, but also they weren't ivory. Blush, antique gold and rich creams all looked much better - although that wasn't really a surprise to me.

My plan was to narrow things down before my parents came out to NZ. I could never buy a dress without my mum being there, and she was only here for 3 weeks. Due to everything we had planned, we had one day to find The Dress - so I needed to be organised!

Colour and cut were pretty much sorted, but I still didn't feel like I'd found the perfect dress. There was something not right, and it took me a while to identify it. What I was struggling with was this:

Images not credited as I feel that's unfair (each to their own remember), hence the odd cropping.

Nearly every wedding has as many pictures of the bride carrying her train as they do arty shots of the train spread out. Many of my friends have also had issues with the bustles on their dresses - meaning that they had to dance the night away with their dress over their arm. I did a quick opinion poll - it seems everyone loves a train. Except me.

The Dress - part 1

I've been delaying writing this post because I don't really know what to write! But, as the walrus said, the time has come...

I started the dress hunt wanting an elegant, simple dress with a halter neck in ivory. I wanted some detail on it, but wasn't quite sure what. The important things for me were the back of the dress - I had visions of a backless dress - and straps. It had to have straps - I've seen too many strapless dresses and really wanted something 'different.'

I didn't actually see many halter necks that I liked, but there were several strapped dresses that ticked all the other boxes. Like these from Benjamin Roberts and Ella by Essence:

So I started looking for dresses to try on. If I was in the UK I would probably have started with high street dresses, but that's not an option here. I started with a sample sale at a dressmaker's, and it was very weird looking at myself in the mirror. Some looked nice, but none were perfect. Then I found a dress shop in town that didn't charge a try-on fee, so I went there.

Felicity's Bridal were really nice. They stocked the Ella dresses, with my favourite being the one in the bottom right picture. They suggested how I could move the detail higher on the dress (which looked much better), and let us spend nearly two hours trying on about 15 dresses!

Then my awesome friend suggested over lunch that we needed to look somewhere else too. Jessica Bridal in Kingsland had an opening for that afternoon, only charged $40 for unlimited visits and had a sale on. That was where things got both interesting and confusing.

I tried some dresses similar to the Ella ones, but they also had some more unusual designs (they design some of the dresses themselves). The first dress I put on was 'just to look at the neckline' - but it turned out to be amazing. It was blush coloured, fitted perfectly (except in length) and had a lot of beading and sparkle details. It had a very vintage feel about it, and was totally not what I wanted - but it was by far the best dress I'd tried.

I tried a few more including two halter necks - they didn't look right at all. Then my friend did it again. I thought we'd finished when she picked out a dress and asked me to put it on. It was lacy - and it looked fantastic.

Having found two dresses with the 'wow' factor, we realised that none of the other dresses had had it. We had to go and find a bar after that so I could recover from the shock...

Warmth over beauty

I am the kind of person who chooses being warm and comfortable over looking good. Luckily for me it runs in the family - J is exactly the same. So having an April wedding means we are going to need a way of keeping warm.

Originally I was planning to get pashminas - you can get cheap ones from the market in a whole range of colours. Then I saw these faux-fur numbers:

and read a post (which I now can't find) where the bride got purple faux fur stoles from Asos for £22. Cue google search for faux fur stoles (unsuccessful - maybe it's the wrong season?). 

Then I saw these: 

Images courtesy of the always inspiring lovemydress and rockmywedding.

Who doesn't love a woolly cardi? It would be warmer than a stole, but could still be worn indoors (unlike a jacket or coat) and wouldn't fall off your shoulders like a pashmina. Perfect! The hunt was on - and quickly won. River Island via Asos with a combination effort - a woolly cape/poncho - on sale at £12.50, bright blue with pompoms and a hood! Pictures soon...

EDIT: I probably should have said I bought two of these, so my MOH and I will match. No cold for us!

The Lego creep

Apparently I was too busy holiday planning to write anything yesterday! Also, did anyone notice the not-so-deliberate mistake on the engagement photos? I didn't until I printed them out - it's now been corrected!

Our lego cake topper has arrived! I'm waiting for dad to take a picture, so for now you'll have to make do with this. My dad is quite excited at the whole lego idea I think!

Official Lego product bought via ebay

How cute? It now appears that we might be having lego elsewhere in the wedding. Gadget has found lego cufflinks which are pretty awesome - they definitely fit with our fun, brightly coloured day. We also found some pictures of buttonholes with lego men in them, so we're thinking about that too. Then he wondered if we should have lego bricks on the tables - I'm leaving that one to him! The lego creep has definitely begun....

Image from Offbeat bride

http://www.melodyfarrin.com/blog/?m=200810

Image from coolquirks.com, product available from bits and badges on etsy

Fancy dress outfit for my MOH

My MOH has bought a dress! Actually, she's been very efficient and has bought almost the whole outfit in one week. More things off the to-do list, yey!

Thanks to the wonder that is outlet shopping, she got a gorgeous dress and bargain shoes at the same time. I'm sure those if you that live near York, Cheshire Oaks, Bicester etc will agree that outlets rock!

The dress is Antonia by Phase Eight, and the shoes are high and sparkly (which they weren't going to be, but look how pretty they are!).

This is actually my MOH, and the photo was sent to me by her hubby. He titled the email 'fancy dress outfit' - hence the title of this post.

She also bought a hair comb (I can't get a decent picture on here), so now we just need some bling and we're done!

Suited and (kind of) booted!

Gadget really is on a roll - after last weeks decisions, he then suggested we should go and look at suits last weekend. Suits, like many things, are expensive in NZ with a limited range. The plan was just to try some and see what cut, colour and size he wanted. Then we discovered that made-to-measure suits here are actually about the same price as in the UK.

This whole process was started by this blog post. I emailed it to Gadget, and he actually read the whole thing. Then he read this one, and then he actually started looking at made-to-measure suits. Turns out that they're not that much more than a decent ready-made suit (Gadget liked the Ted Baker 'slick rick' which are £390).

Made-to-measure is about half way between off-the-peg and bespoke tailoring. There is a more limited selection of options, and you only have one fitting, not six. But if you are half way between two standard sizes, they make it in exactly your size. Guess who's halfway between?

Gadget doesn't make decisions on a whim, he likes to have all the information available. By Friday he had enough information to suggest that we needed to go shopping on Saturday. The decision process was sped up by the discovery that Rembrandt, one of the made-to-measure options, were offering a free second pair of trousers until the end of May.

We spent a quite a long time in Rembrandt in Sylvia Park on Saturday - but we've ordered a suit! Charcoal grey merino wool (very NZ) with faint pinstripes, slim fit with a ticket pocket. There were a lot more options than that, and I was impressed he managed to get through them all. It will be ready in about six weeks, and cost NZ$945 (about £470).

Other accessories are a work in progress, and he's not wearing boots but a very nice pair of shoes - which he already owns.

This do list is shrinking rapidly!

That old rhyme

One of the traditions I'm keen to keep is the well-known Victorian rhyme. Like many brides, I will be leaving out the "silver sixpence in her shoe" part, but the rest of it is sorted.

• Something old - a symbol of continuity within the bride's family - I will be carrying my great-grandmother Nain's engagement ring down the aisle sewn on to my bouquet. The bonus of this is that I will also be carrying a piece of my Welsh heritage, which I am quite proud of (have you seen them play rugby recently?!).
• Something new - good luck and hope for the future - the dress of course.
• Something borrowed - represents the support of family and friends, and should come from a happily married woman to bring some of that happiness into the new marriage - I will be wearing my Grandma's earrings. She and my Grandad have been married for almost 67 years (they even have a telegram from the Queen!).
• Something blue - faithfulness, purity and loyalty - I have blue rhinestone "I do" stickers for my shoes, but will also be sporting blue toenail varnish (in honour of my other Grandad who passed away when I was 17).

http://iwantweddingchampagne.blogspot.com/2010/08/just-tap-your-shoes-together-three.html

Although the underside of my shoes is black, not pink. A bargain piece of 'tradition' at just £3 - which means I can throw the whole garter idea out the window! (I am sure it will just annoy me, and I don't see the point.)

Bridesmaid/MOH dress

J has ordered a dress, but unfortunately it is not the dress. It is too big for her (she is skinny; always has been, but now she has two small boys that eat all her food and never sit still) and not in a way that can be altered, but I thought I'd show you a picture anyway as it's gorgeous. More gorgeous dresses can be found on my Pinterest board.

Hobbs, on sale at £79

So Mum and J are planning a shopping trip to London. Whilst this sounds fancy, it's what we do given the slightest opportunity (graduations, 21st birthdays etc) and my parents have a flat in London so with cheap train tickets it's not a big expense. It also means they don't have to take the boys with them, so they get a relaxing girly shopping day!