Personalising your ceremony

There's lots of advice out there about how to make your ceremony more personal. There's blog posts about everything from writing your vows to creating an entire ceremony from scratch - and how important it is to do this. They tell you to start early, as nothing is worse than writing your vows the night before. They tell you it's more important than any of your other DIY tasks, although almost certainly harder. Your vows should sound like you and be meaningful to your partner whilst not making your guests feel uncomfortable. There is clearly a fine balance to be had. You can write them together, or not hear each others until you get to the altar. Or you could do it our way - repeat after the vicar.

I'm sure some people love hearing the vows their partner has written for them, and put true love and courage into writing their own. But I honestly can't think of anything worse. What I feel about Gadget is hard enough to put into words in the privacy of our own home after a few glasses of wine. There is no way I want to stand in front of all our family and friends and describe it. I also don't want to make promises - we're not soppy people, so I couldn't promise anything romantic. I have no intention of drawing attention to my flaws on my big day by promising to try and better them. Which would leave us with only one option - jokes. Doesn't really seem the time for jokes though does it?

Luckily for me, Gadget agrees (he would actually hate it even more than I would). As we're getting married in church, we can choose to say the traditional words and no one will question it. I can't wait to say those famous phrases - "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" and so on. Those words have worked for couples for decades, and I see no reason to cast them aside now.

Apart from one line. The joker/child in me laughs every time I hear "with my body I honour you." I may have to ask the vicar if we can remove that line. I know, I know, I should be better than that. But it's a long standing issue with that line, which has always struck me as being slightly odd (in addition to the more obvious issue).

We will be choosing our hymns, and our readings (one of these is already chosen). I'm not sure Gadget cares much about the hymns, so I might be choosing them with my Dad. Which will be an easy task, as the list of suggestions he sent me contained all my favourite choices. I don't know whether our guests' rendition of "Guide me o thou great redeemer" will match up to my Dad's childhood memories of hearing it at Cardiff Arms Park though!*

One more thing - I won't be promising to obey. My mother didn't, the future Queen of England didn't, and neither will I. I guess Gadget can, though, if he likes?!

* For those of you reading this stateside, Cardiff Arms Park used to be the home of Welsh Rugby (it's now been replaced by Millennium Stadium). That particular hymn is known to Welsh rugby fans (my dad and I included) as "Bread of heaven," and is often sung at games. Usually loudly and out of tune, but not always - the welsh are known for their singing as well as their rugby!

Invitation wording - back to the drawing board?

I thought our invitations were done, but this weekend I've discovered they're not. We did have a great weekend though - we hit the ski slopes for the first time this year (yes Northern Hemisphere peeps, it's winter here!) and two of our friends got engaged! I may have someone to talk weddings with now!

Anyway, back to the invites. When I started designing them, I asked Gadget about the wording. He said he wanted them worded so that my parents were doing the inviting - as per tradition. At this time we thought we were paying for most/all of the wedding ourselves, but I'm unsure whether the wording should reflect who's footing the bill, or how the couple/family live. So when the funding for the wedding changed, the wording of the invites didn't. Since then we've been through several drafts of the invites, including a couple with my parents. We've reworded them to be more casual than formal ("would like to invite" rather than "request the pleasure of your company"), and dropped all the titles.

During the weekend, our friend that we went skiing with was telling us about her sister's wedding that she'd recently attended. Their invites read, "Together with their parents, Bride and Groom" etc. This made Gadget think about our wording, and realise that he hadn't actually thought about it before. He now thinks his parents should be named on the invite, but isn't sure how or where.

So I'm back trawling the internet for alternative options. I've found some funny ones (that mostly are not appropriate), but I do like this:

Mr. and Mrs. (Brides Parents)

Along with Mr. and Mrs. (Groom’s Parents)

Invite you to witness the wedding of their children

(Bride) and (Groom)

She’ll vow to do his laundry

And he’ll promise to come home at night

And at the end of every argument

They agree that she’ll always be right.

and this:

Mr. and Mrs. (Bride’s Parents)
Are delighted to finally give away their daughter, (Bride)
To (Groom), who has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.
Come celebrate at the reception we’ve waited a lifetime to throw!


both found here. I also found some ideas for RSVPs that are much more interesting than yes or no, so I'll be changing that too. 


The problem with both examples above is that they won't actually fit on our invite. We don't have a gate-fold card with 5 sides for me to write on - we have a one sided A5 invite. It's going to be hard to add another set of names without making it look crowded, even if I just keep it basic and add "with Gadget's parents" to the wording I've already got. Anyone got any ideas?


Note: I realise I'm being vague, but I'm trying not to publish the invite on the blog. There's a couple of fun things on it that I don't want people to see yet!

Registering for...what, exactly?

Like many newly-weds today, we will have been living together for a while before we become husband and wife. Whilst my slightly religious, slightly traditional mind is telling me that the wedding is the start of our family, it is not the start of our lives together. It's just a step along the way. A pretty big step, but just a step.

We have chosen to celebrate that step with friends and family. We are asking almost all of them to travel across the country and stay in a hotel. We have guests coming from London, Wales and even Paris. The fact that they will put time and effort into being at our wedding is enough of a gift. We don't want people to feel that they have to bring an actual gift as well. No one will get cut from the christmas card list if they arrive empty handed (I have heard this said!).

Having said that, we recognise that people may want to give us a gift, just as we would/have at their weddings. Enter the wedding registry.

Traditionally wedding gifts were used to set up a house. Somehow that ethos persists in todays gift registries. It is still common to ask for plates, or towels, or serving ware. I have no idea why, and we certainly won't be asking for that (slight moment to mourn the loss of more le creuset dishes). We combined two houses worth of stuff, then promptly packed it all into my future-in-laws giant chalet-shed and left the country. We won't have time to sort through it all before the wedding, but the chances are we have too much stuff.

A new trend which I quite like, but my mother hates, is asking for contributions towards the honeymoon. I think maybe if we did it quite specifically Mum would be less opposed to it - I have friends who have registered for a day scuba diving, a candlelit dinner on the beach and his 'n' hers massages. Each of their wedding guests knows exactly what they have given the happy couple, rather than the money/vouchers just going towards the overall cost.

We chose not to disagree with my mum on this, because there is something else we don't have that we would really, really like. Something that sounds perfect for a wedding gift - it will be the centre of our family life, will last a long time and is too expensive for us to justify buying it ourselves. We want a solid oak table and chairs. Something like this:

eatsleeplive.co.uk

Unless we come up with something quite specific between now and the wedding, that is all we'll be registering for. Any contributions will be gratefully received, and properly acknowledged. Manners are an area where tradition definitely wins!

That old rhyme

One of the traditions I'm keen to keep is the well-known Victorian rhyme. Like many brides, I will be leaving out the "silver sixpence in her shoe" part, but the rest of it is sorted.

• Something old - a symbol of continuity within the bride's family - I will be carrying my great-grandmother Nain's engagement ring down the aisle sewn on to my bouquet. The bonus of this is that I will also be carrying a piece of my Welsh heritage, which I am quite proud of (have you seen them play rugby recently?!).
• Something new - good luck and hope for the future - the dress of course.
• Something borrowed - represents the support of family and friends, and should come from a happily married woman to bring some of that happiness into the new marriage - I will be wearing my Grandma's earrings. She and my Grandad have been married for almost 67 years (they even have a telegram from the Queen!).
• Something blue - faithfulness, purity and loyalty - I have blue rhinestone "I do" stickers for my shoes, but will also be sporting blue toenail varnish (in honour of my other Grandad who passed away when I was 17).

http://iwantweddingchampagne.blogspot.com/2010/08/just-tap-your-shoes-together-three.html

Although the underside of my shoes is black, not pink. A bargain piece of 'tradition' at just £3 - which means I can throw the whole garter idea out the window! (I am sure it will just annoy me, and I don't see the point.)

The cause of the WIC?

According to Susan Wiggs (How I planned your wedding), we have the British Royal Family to blame for the WIC. Pre-1981, weddings were normal. By that I mean they were not big events that took 18 months of stressful planning and a house deposit to fund. Then Prince Charles married Lady Di, half the world watched, and the fairytale wedding was born.

Eventjubilee says Charles and Diana's wedding "defined a generation and changed the wedding industry indefinitely." The feminist bride mentions that the royal family are to blame even further back than this. Queen Victoria was the first bride to wear white, and the impracticality of it made it a symbol of wealth, and so everyone wanted one.

I'm not sure how many of today's WIC brides are actually aware of this - that they are literally dreaming of a princess wedding, and one specific princess in particular. No one that I've spoken to was.

I'm leaving the point of this post to Christie O. She rightly points out that not everyone is a princess, and that dreaming of a wedding that full of pomp and circumstance is not appropriate for us mere mortals and could well end up looking slightly ridiculous. Stick with your true selves, people - or try and get Prince Harry to propose to you!