More stuff I don't need

As we continue to look at each part of the wedding and work out how it fits in our day, I keep coming across more things I don't need (or even want!).

1. Champagne. I reckon I can count on one hand the number of wedding guests who might be able to tell the difference between Champagne and sparkling wine - and of those that can, most prefer sparkling wine anyway! I think we have a bad habit of referring to most fizzy wine as champagne (I used to work in a supermarket and had customer ask me if we had any champagne that wasn't from France!); to be fair it does sound better. Personally, I don't mind where my fizz comes from - but I'd rather it wasn't too fizzy! 
2. A garter. I really don't understand this "tradition." Nobody wears garters at any other time, and I imagine that having an elastic band round one leg would be quite irritating. The whole garter removal/tossing isn't something I've ever seen at a wedding, and strikes me as plain embarrassing.  
3. That group shot out of the window. I realise taking a photo of 100 people is not easy, but unless it looks balanced and you can actually see everyone I'm not sure what the point is. I'm undecided on whether to even have a photo of everyone, but if we do it will not be taken from a height looking down at a mass of heads!
4. Wedding day perfume. I always wear the same perfume, and Gadget wears the same after shave. If I changed for the wedding that would be weird. I wear a perfume that you could take a photo of (if you really wanted to), but I'm not sure perfume is important enough for it's picture to make it into the album.
5. A going-away/night before outfit. I won't be going anywhere after the wedding (except to bed), so this clearly isn't needed. Maybe it was more relevant in years gone by, but has no place in most of today's weddings. As the UK doesn't follow the USA with the rehearsal dinner tradition, I will be spending the night before on my parents sofa - so jeans and a hoody will do fine!

Our guest book dilemma

I've been to weddings with guest books - but have I been to weddings without them? I have no idea - because writing in them is clearly not the highlight of my day. In fact (depending how well you know the couple) it can actually become a chore. What on earth do you write?

I always feel pressure to come up with something funny/meaningful, but often fail to achieve this. In the USA, it seems to be traditional to assign someone to the guest book, to ensure everyone signs it. In the UK, it is more commonly passed around the tables after dinner and people make their own choice whether to sign or not. I certainly feel compelled to sign when I am passed a book - even if it is with the uninspiring "best wishes."

Also, what do you do with them afterwards? (Seriously, anyone who is married reading this please tell me!) I have a yearbook from school and one from university - mainly they sit in a cupboard and get ignored. What is the point of a wedding guest book if this is where it ends up?

As with all wedding traditions that aren't important or immediately obvious to us, we set about questioning the guest book concept. What is the point of one? Where did it come from? Do we want one, or is it wasting money?

The WIC naturally has plenty to say on the need for a guestbook, and ideas for how you can spend more money on one. During my research, though, it was yahoo answers rather than the WIC that cracked me up - one person had commented that a guest book was a must as people "sign in" then add their address so you know where to send the thank you note. I wasn't aware attendance at weddings was monitored like attendance at school - and if you didn't have their address how exactly did you manage to invite them?!

On a more serious note though, it appears that this may have been the original purpose of guest books. Presumably there was a time when the couple did not get to choose their wedding guests, and the invites were actually sent out by the bride's parents. In that case, having everyone's names and addresses would be pretty useful. But does anyone actually do this now?

The there are the people who think a guestbook helps you remember who was there to share your big day. Excuse me for being cynical, but if you can't remember who was there I think you may have invited too many people who aren't important to you.

Of course, there are lots of options for personalised guest books and guest book alternatives. There are works of art your guests can help you create, or you can use a Photo Booth or video camera for a more visual 'book' (for simplicity, I'm going to refer to all ideas as 'books' for now). These sound like neat ideas, but still doesn't really answer the question of what couples hope to achieve. What do you want that book to do or mean?

For us, anything that will end up in a cupboard is pointless (we're not big on sentimental clutter). So it needs to be visually attractive in order to be displayed. Gadget thought it should look like a big card signed by lots of people - such as a work leaving card. This appealed to me too - those that know us well enough to write relevant/funny messages could do so, those that can't think of anything can wish us their best without worrying about filling an entire page. It would look relaxed and fun, not be overly sentimental, and not take up too much space. We decided that if we can achieve this, we will have a 'book' at our wedding.

We had a look at the thumb print trees, but Gadget felt they were a bit flamboyant for us. He also didn't like the idea of having letters signed like this (shame, I quite liked this):

repin from Pinterest, source currently unclear

So we went back to the drawing board, and also started thinking laterally. Gadget's first idea was to incorporate the guest book into the wedding scrapbook (USA folks will know what I mean, for those in the UK who don't it is a photo album and journal brought together with creative crafting). I love scrapbooking, and will certainly be making a wedding one (unless my mum beats me to it), so this could work well for us. I imagine it will look something like this, but with a photo in the middle of the page.

http://kelocity.com/2011/03/18/our-wedding-scrapbook-is-done/

Then Gadget threw in an idea that came slightly out of left field, but could really work for us. He suggested we got the single artwork from our first dance song printed to 12x12" and have guests sign that. This could either go into the scrapbook (I scrap in 12x12" albums) or be framed to match the LPs we already have on the wall in the UK. Having looked at the artwork for the songs on the short list, only two of them would work. Etsy could rescue us though, with something like this:

no9 images on etsy

That isn't one of our song choices, but you get the idea. I imagine giving people blue and purple pens and getting them to write round the edges. My other contribution was that we might be able to use the artwork from our ceremony reading. Without wanting to give too much away, if you had "The House at Pooh Corner" as a reading, you could use this image for your guests to sign:

image from vcstar.com

The risk with getting guests to sign an image is that they get "carried away" - and Piglet ends up with a moustache. We haven't worked out the answer to that one yet!

Bridal bookshelf

I'm currently reading my way through most of the wedding books in our library (and it's a pretty big library). I started with all the planning ones, but I'm not sure I could recommend any of them. Go with the blogs when it comes to ideas and how-to's, they're much more modern and realistic.

Now I'm reading 'perspective' books - i.e. how to keep your wedding planning in perspective. Just after we got engaged Gadget got me a book, without any prompting from me, called "Emotionally Engaged: A girl's guide to surviving the happiest time of her life." I think he got it as a joke, but it was actually really helpful. It gives ideas on how to cope when your engagement and wedding planning isn't what you'd previously dreamed it would be.

Ours definitely isn't. Not that it isn't good - I love planning things - but it was hard to accept breaking the news by Facebook, a limited number of cards, and having my mum on the opposite side of the world during the early decisions.

I then read "Going Bridal," which was hard to read at times but has given me a new terminology - wedding P&O (planning and organising). I've also read "One Perfect Day - the selling of the American wedding." This I absolutely recommend - and I kind of wish I'd read it earlier in the planning process. Not that I would change our plans, but it definitely helped put those "must have" items into perspective. Including the dress.

I've just finished "Offbeat Bride," the book that led to the blog. This was also a great book to read - how to change the status quo without upsetting your family and friends. In short, how to keep your wedding yours. Sensible advice interspersed with off-the-wall ideas and amusing anecdotes made this not only easy to read but also inspirational. I mentioned before that I haven't got very far into the Offbeat bride blog (you have to apply to join their forums), but every time I want to search for something outside the mainstream bridal media Google turns up something useful from OBB.  Like Lego button holes...

I'd love to say that everyone should read Offbeat Bride and One Perfect Day before being allowed to spend any money on their wedding - but even I realise that would never work. Some people genuinely want the mainstream, fairytale day, and even many of those that don't probably need to start mainstream before becoming disillusioned and moving sideways.

My reluctance to involve myself with the WIC was present from the start - partly from a budget perspective and partly because I've been to several weddings that were very similar. I was determined not to spend a fortune on one day, and to have a wedding that looked like us. But I still started my journey in the traditional place - with bridal magazines and their infamous checklists. Then I looked at The Knot (actually their Look Book was worth a glance - I wouldn't buy it though), Brides.com, and 'pretty' blogs (snippet and ink and green wedding shoes are my poison of choice!). It wasn't until later that I found 2000dollarwedding and had this epiphany.

So my advice to the newly engaged? Do what you want - just be aware there are choices outside the mainstream. And seriously consider reading Offbeat Bride and One Perfect Day!

Why is underwear overkill?

I realise that wedding day underwear has to be fairly specific - neutral and line free under the Dress, and comfy enough so you don't fiddle with it. (All eyes will be on you, remember.) But some people seem to have some really odd ideas about what is appropriate or normal attire under your wedding dress.

One of the books I read repeatedly referred to being naked before you put your dress on. Is there seriously a group of brides out there who go underwear-less on the big day?! I can't think of anything worse! I understand that if you have a well-boned gown with a built-in bra you maybe don't need a separate bra, but surely you still need pants?

Then it seems most "bridal lingerie" sets are a strapless bra and matching thong/g-string. Surely two of the most uncomfortable undergarments known to woman?!

Then there is the corset brigade. One of the dress shops I went to was obsessed with them, and several other people have mentioned them too. I put one dress on and my lovely father told me I needed to do some stomach crunches before I could wear it (!) - the sales answer was a corset. She even offered me one to try on under the dress. So in addition to wearing a boned gown, a train and a veil (none of which seem comfortable) I now have to wear a corset underneath? Not a chance - I want to eat on my wedding day!

Am I the only person who will be wearing the most comfortable thing I can find that goes under the dress? I may end up needing a strapless bra, but I will be wearing shorts rather than a thong. I'll also be wearing tights, because shoes always rub me if I have bare feet. I can only find my size in a few stores, but I like this set from Debenhams. Bring on the bling, even if I'm the only one who'll know it's there!

Note: My dad was right, although I'm still not sure he's allowed to say things like that!

The cause of the WIC?

According to Susan Wiggs (How I planned your wedding), we have the British Royal Family to blame for the WIC. Pre-1981, weddings were normal. By that I mean they were not big events that took 18 months of stressful planning and a house deposit to fund. Then Prince Charles married Lady Di, half the world watched, and the fairytale wedding was born.

Eventjubilee says Charles and Diana's wedding "defined a generation and changed the wedding industry indefinitely." The feminist bride mentions that the royal family are to blame even further back than this. Queen Victoria was the first bride to wear white, and the impracticality of it made it a symbol of wealth, and so everyone wanted one.

I'm not sure how many of today's WIC brides are actually aware of this - that they are literally dreaming of a princess wedding, and one specific princess in particular. No one that I've spoken to was.

I'm leaving the point of this post to Christie O. She rightly points out that not everyone is a princess, and that dreaming of a wedding that full of pomp and circumstance is not appropriate for us mere mortals and could well end up looking slightly ridiculous. Stick with your true selves, people - or try and get Prince Harry to propose to you!

Rocking our weddings

Each day I read Rock my wedding I'm getting more impressed with it. Their motto is 'your day, your way,' but on first glance it looks like a pretty blog. I'm discovering it's so much more than that. 

I've just read founder Charlotte's account of her own wedding day, which was gorgeous and detail rich, but has this summary:

As you will know from my original blog not everything goes without a hitch and there are little things that will make you go “ Darn it if only I’d done such and such” – because that is just human nature I’m afraid.

But in the grand scheme of things nothing really matters apart from you making your day to be exactly how you and your future husband want it.

No Rules. No Restrictions. No listening to those who want to give anything other than positive advice.

How awesome is that?

And how relevant. I am already fed up of people telling me what I can and can't do. From the dress shop assistants (you have to have a formal dress for a church and manor house), to well meaning friends and family (surely all your dad has to do is turn up at the hire place and be measured?), it starts to really grate after a while. I dread to think how annoyed I'll be in April! Judging by Rogue Bride's most recent post, the answer is somewhere off the scale.

This is OUR wedding. We will do WHAT WE WANT. If other people don't like it, they have two choices. Shut up or leave!

Time or money?

I have very mixed feelings about this article which was recently published on a wedding blog (I'm not going to name it, and I've changed the text slightly to try and anonymise it - remembering that it's each to their own and you should do what you want). 

We saw our wedding as an opportunity to throw the biggest party of our lives and to share it with all our loved ones. So with each decision it was a matter of doing whatever we really wanted (we were only going to do it once so do it in style). Groom wanted a rolls Royce as the wedding car, I wanted Louboutins as my wedding shoes so we got them – we didn’t go in with a set budget in mind but rather the budget would be whatever it cost to have the perfect day for us and we both feel we really achieved it. 

I was pretty particular in how I wanted everything to look and had spent months searching through bridal magazines and trawling the internet for ideas and inspiration.

Even though our wedding had 180 guests we wanted it be very personal and intimate. Living on the other side of the world is so hard so we wanted to make the most of the opportunity to be with them all at once. What was most special to us both was having all these people that we both love in the one place at the one time. There was such a beautiful atmosphere on the day and the gorgeous weather certainly helped! I remember arriving at the venue after the ceremony and all of our guests had already arrived and were on the lawn mingling as we pulled up in the car it was such a happy moment.

The bride says that the most special thing was having all their people there together. I think this is a key aspect to many weddings. They live on the other side of the world too, and so it will have been even more important to them. On our wedding day we may have friends and family there that we haven't seen for 2 years. But I don't see how you can have 180 guests and still be personal and intimate. We're having 50, and I'm worried about how much time we'll get to spend with each person. 


She talks about the beautiful atmosphere and how arriving to meet her guests was a happy moment. Again this sounds good to me; I would love to take this memory away from our wedding. 


Then she says (with no actual numbers of course!!) that the budget would be "whatever it cost." Aaargh! There is such an obvious assumption here that the only way to have everything perfect is to spend lots of money on it. And she wanted it perfect - but the only thing she mentions researching is how it would look. They seem to have made every detail decision into a priority, and presumably paid the price accordingly. There are a lot more details mentioned in the article, but they are almost all aesthetics. 


I was hoping I could take some inspiration from a fellow bride around the world, but this wedding is so opposite to our priorities that I'm not sure I can. Very disappointing. 

Etiquette police!

More nonsense from the WIC, this time Brides magazine. I'd just like to point out that these all come from old issues, as I don't buy wedding magazines, I borrow them from the library. (Wow, that makes me sound like a real budget bride!)

Q: My wedding planner says hats are a no-no after five, and our wedding's at six. I really wanted to wear a fabulous hat like those at the royal wedding. Can I?
A: A wide brimmed hat will be out of place at an evening wedding, wear a fascinator.
Truth: You're the bride. If you want a hat, wear one. But maybe tell your guests what the plan is.

Q: Is it okay to give favours only to the ladies?
A: They're a thank you gesture to all your guests, so no, find something that works for everyone.
Truth: Nothing works for everyone, as discussed previously. If you want to give something to just the ladies, do so. A true thank you is more than just a gesture, so if you really want to thank people you need to tell them.

Stuff I don't need

In a tribute to Rogue Bride, who sent me a great email as she describes in this post, I've written my own list of things I don't need at the wedding.

1. Favours. Previously discussed, 'nuff said.
2. Chair covers. In the US they don't seem to have these, their equivalent is Chiavari chairs to rent. I don't understand either. Chairs are things to sit on. 
3. Multi-piece invitations. You won't be getting directions with your invite, or an RSVP card. It's on the wedsite, work it out.
4. Ring pillow. It's the best man's job to carry the ring. He has pockets.
5. Receiving line. Yes, you need to talk to all your guests. But not as they shuffle past you on their way in to the reception room.
6. Exact colour coordination. Is anyone going to notice if my dad's tie doesn't exactly match the bridesmaids dress or the invites?
7. A handbag. It's not like I'm going to carry it, so I may as well just give my lippy to my mum.
8. Perfection. Nothing is perfect. Our relationship isn't, and our wedding won't be. It's the imperfections that make us who we are, and our wedding will be the same.

Definite progress!

Well I've had no reply to the budget of that wedding, but they have published this post. The author reveals her own wedding budget, and discusses what she would change if she did it again. She would prioritise her budget - maybe I'm doing something right! There are then loads of comments from readers almost all of whom are being open about their budget. The budgets range from £3000 to £17000, and there's some interesting details on what that money is going on.

The fact that these are comments left on a "pretty blog" suggests to me that more people would like to know how much these gorgeous weddings cost. Come on WIC, show us the money!

UPDATE: The bride has left a comment on the blog, and it truly was budget wedding at £6000 for 80 guests. Now I'm inspired!

Bonny budget wedding?

I am absolutely mad having just read this post. I have left a comment on the blog, so we'll see if it gets a response. This (very pretty) wedding was published under a 'budget' heading - with no price tags on anything. You could probably guess the price of the dress - the bride got it for a quarter of the original price, a similar Charlotte Balbier retails for £1200 without alterations. But that's it. We have no idea how much they spent, and on what, and it ends with the question, "have any other budget brides been inspired by this?"

I thought I'd missed it. I scrolled up and down the page, and clicked on all the links. It's not there. What exactly am I supposed to be inspired by?

here's one I made earlier

Just had to share the entertaining madness from an issue of Cosmo Bride. They have an article of 25 craft-it-yourself wedding ideas. There's a couple that aren't bad, such as wine corks for place card holders and chalking your menu on a blackboard instead of having printed menus. But then there's these:

• Beads, buttons, sweets and toffees stacked in different sized jars can bring colour to a dark corner or window ledge.
• Homemade soaps make pretty favours. Choose colours and fragrances that reflect the themes of your day.

Seriously? Who uses soap? And what's wrong with ignoring the dark corner - like everyone else will?!