If they pay, they get a say

In my budget post I told you that our parents had offered financial contributions towards the wedding, for which we are extremely grateful. But before we accepted their contributions, we had to discuss our wedding plans with them.

As you may have noticed, we are trying very hard to stick the the "big picture" that we started with, and make the day represent us. Our parents are not us. They may not have the same big picture in mind. Which is fine if they're not paying for it, but potentially a big issue if they are.

My future in-laws made one request. They would like to invite half a dozen of their (very close) friends to the evening event. Although we have to limit the numbers for the meal, we can more than double them for the evening if we want. They have known these people a long time, and Inspector Gadget knows them quite well. I've even met some of them. So that's an easy request to agree to.

My parents have been quite involved in the planning already, as they're the only people close enough to the vendors. So we know they're happy with a lot of our choices. They also seem to understand the "big picture." My dad is going to tell my grandparents to imagine a traditional wedding, and then throw half their ideas out of the window and remember that I've never done what I'm told! They've loved some of the more quirky ideas I've come up with, and mum has even suggested a few herself (wands for the fairy princess flower girls? yes please!).

There's a few smaller details that they're not so happy with. They've refused to drive themselves to the venue, but have accepted that that's their problem, and they will sort it out. There is a reluctance to accept that I will only move my engagement ring to my other hand if I want to (I don't care if that's "how its done"). These are not deal breakers; they can all be solved without affecting the feeling of the day.

So both contributions were accepted. Before you accept financial help, please remember that whilst it is your day, you can't spend your parents money on something they strongly disagree with. If they don't share your vision, you may have to limit their involvement. That would really suck, but would be better realised early on in the process.

Lights, camera, action!

We have a videographer! My friend has very kindly agreed to be in charge of recording parts of the day. We don't want a fancy movie, but I want to watch myself walk down the aisle (go figure!), and Gadget wants the speeches recorded. I may have to erase my dad's, depending on how embarrassing he is, but we'll wait and see on that front!

He's going to use our camera and tripod, and has even said he will stand by the camera for the whole ceremony. This is because their wedding video didn't work (presumed technical failure), and he doesn't want that to happen to us. I feel very sad for them (I didn't know that until today), and very grateful that they are helping us to benefit from their experience. A big shout out to the awesome Mr F - we owe you!

Please save the date!

The need for Save the Date cards is quite recent. Never have we led such crazy lives where 6-8 weeks notice is nowhere near enough time to arrange to attend a wedding! But have you seen the price of them?

Let's be honest here, almost everyone that will get a save the date card actually already knows the date. The few people that don't know haven't had chance to speak to us because we are in NZ. If we were in the UK and actually seeing/speaking to all our friends more often, everyone would know. So why do they need a fridge magnet/handkerchief/uniquely designed letter press card?

A quick google search finds save the date cards from 35p. 100 postcards start from 17p each. Magnets are over £3 each. Doesn't sound a lot? We have a fairly small guest list, and will be sending around 25 save the dates. So we could get double sided postcards for under £10, if we were prepared to use the slightly dodgy looking website software to DIY them. Actual cards would be about £16 plus p+p (with snapfish.co.uk, who I've used before and would trust). And magnets would be nearly £80!!

Then you have to post them. Even second class, that adds £9 currently and £12.50 after april. (must remember to get mum to buy stamps before then!) So at the lowest possible price, it's almost £20, and at the highest its nearer £100. I certainly have better things to spend £100 on, and I even have better things to spend £20 on. New eyeliner or save the dates? Hmmm...

Luckily, I recently discovered photoshop. I've designed our save the dates using a fab photo taken by my dad. They'll be going out by email. Bring on the new eyeliner!

If you aren't an avid photoshopper, you could still send free save the dates. Find a friend that can do it, and ask them to give you it as a wedding present/favour. Powerpoint can do some pretty good stuff, and most people have access to that at work. Some websites are now helping brides create evites, such as this kiwi site.  It's also more environmentally friendly.

And if Granny really wants one (which she probably won't as she'll already know the date and may not have realised that save the dates are now considered essential), just print one out and give it to her.

Oh, do you want to see them?

Check out the penguins! (thanks to dafont.com - awesome free downloadable fonts)

On this day...

... next year I will become Mrs Gadget. Scary stuff! Hopefully the sun will shine, and I will have a less stressful day than I did today. (At one point I thought about "accidentally" throwing the work phone in the bin - that was when it rang for the twelfth time in an hour when each phone call was going to take me at least an hour to deal with!)

Two exciting things happened today: the save-the-date emails went out, and I am wearing my ring. Both felt a bit strange, and maybe not as exciting as I'd hoped. As far as the ring is concerned, it's fab to have it but I can't wear it at work - so it's been on a chain round my neck most of the day. Occupational hazard I guess!

More details on save-the-dates coming soon, but it was quite hard making sure I sent the right attachments to the right email addresses! I haven't had any delivery fails yet - watch this space!

The BIG question

After "will you marry me," one of the most important questions is how much is this wedding going to cost? It's not a million dollar question, or even a 64,000 pound question - or at least I hope not! But it is really, really important.

So how do you answer it? Let's be honest, no one likes talking about money. Which is why I'm so thrilled that Rogue Bride, frugal wed and 2000 dollar wedding have laid their budgets out for everyone to see. I'm going to try and do the same (although I have no idea what our parents will think)!

There is very little sensible advice out there on how to figure out your budget. There's two main schools of thought:

1. Look at how much you have in your savings, work out how much you can save between now and the wedding, add in any parent contributions and this is the answer.
2. Say a figure out loud and keep saying numbers until you get one that sounds right. 

To trash number two first, WHAT?! The figure that would make me not want to run away screaming would probably be about £3000. I'm naturally a conservative spender. The "average" UK wedding costs £20,000. Even though I have no intentions of having an "average" wedding, I cannot have the kind of wedding I want for £3000. End of discussion.

Number one may work for some people, but does not work for us. As a conservative spender, I am also a saver. I have spent years (since I was 16) building up my savings. I am trying to encourage Inspector Gadget to do the same. I do not want to spend them all on one day. When we get back to the UK, we want to buy a house, at least one car, a new computer (I have finally agreed to this, it really is dying) and goodness knows what else. We also have to get tickets back to the UK, and want to have a great honeymoon. Ideally, we'd like to be able to eat at the end of all this.

Lindsay has a much better approach on her blog frugal wed. A wedding is a short to medium term saving goal, and so should account for between 10 and 20% of your post tax income for the time you are planning it (e.g. a year). 

Having found most of our wedding vendors, we are on track for that budget. My slightly-less-conservative-spending dad tells me my budget is "optimistic" at £8500, but he is happy we can do it for £10,000. So I'm trying to ignore the screaming in my head go along with that.

Then he and my future in-laws threw a couple of spanners into the works. They offered us money. 

This was unexpected for several reasons that its not fair to discuss here. It means that we don't have to contribute as much of our own savings towards the wedding. When my dad told me this, he also told me that "it doesn't mean you can release the shackles." He knows me pretty well, and it was a bit of a joke as I would never be able to do that. It doesn't matter to me whose money we are spending on the wedding, we are not wasting it. Having said that, we are very, very lucky to have such awesome parents, and the contributions will be gratefully received. It means we might actually have enough money for a house deposit, so after the wedding we can start married life in our own home. Debt free. How great does that sound?

(Note: We're lucky as we earn good money, even in NZ where salaries are often lower. Circumstances - the UK property market - have conspired against us though, and even with that we are going to struggle to buy a house)

Hooray!

Over the last two days I have finally removed my head from the wedding clouds and returned to earth. I have finished watching 24 season 3 (I was 19 hours into it!), listened to The Subtle Knife (I'm half way through the audio book), and ordered Captain Corelli's Mandolin from the library (it's been on the 'to read' list for years; I was going to get The Hunger Games but 2588 other people want it too). I have also researched flights back to the UK, and been to an art exhibition with a friend.

It was a surprisingly easy transition, but one that I think everyone will appreciate (especially Gadget). I'd like to celebrate with him, but he's watching sunsets in Sydney. So I'm doing the one thing I can't do when he's here - eating yummy vegetarian food covered in cheese!

Snap = happy!

Not knowing where to start looking for a photographer, I did a google search for "photographers in york." Lots came up. A few people had emailed me after a wedding fayre my mum attended. I looked through dozens of websites, and ruled out the ones I didn't like. Then I asked Gadget to rule out the ones he didn't like, and emailed the rest.

There were no set criteria here. We like photos, and we routinely sift through hundreds (or maybe thousands) of them. We know what we like. The one thing I can share is we do not like washed out, over exposed, so-called "vintage" pictures. We like our pictures to be fun, and we like them to include people.

Arbitrarily I decided that £1000 was the maximum I was prepared to pay. I don't really know why, but as we got five candidates under that price, it seemed reasonable. I also insisted that they had to specify whether they would take posed group shots, and if so were there any limits. A friend had problems with this, and I'm pleased she felt she could share this with me, allowing me to deal with it upfront.

As with the venue, it seems some people are incapable of reading emails (or maybe they just can't be bothered?). We got several standard, bounce back replies which contained nothing more useful than a price. They were all over £1000.

The short list of five quickly became four as one photographer confirmed he was booked for our wedding day. Then it became three as one person was "so busy photographing weddings" that he couldn't possibly meet anyone on a weekend. My dad did the interviews for us. He works in London during the week, and can only do weekends.

Of the two he spoke to, one was a clear winner. Like the venue, it ended up being an easy decision. Kath Occleston's photos are FAB - bright, fun and beautiful. I'm excited to meet her, and I really hope we can get permission to go up on the venue's roof to take photos (her idea, and if you've looked at our venue you'll see why!).

The last photographer fell by the wayside, as we were happy with our choice. I'm now glad they did, as they are still sending me solicitation emails.