Monday, April 30, 2012

If they pay, they get a say

In my budget post I told you that our parents had offered financial contributions towards the wedding, for which we are extremely grateful. But before we accepted their contributions, we had to discuss our wedding plans with them.

As you may have noticed, we are trying very hard to stick the the "big picture" that we started with, and make the day represent us. Our parents are not us. They may not have the same big picture in mind. Which is fine if they're not paying for it, but potentially a big issue if they are.

My future in-laws made one request. They would like to invite half a dozen of their (very close) friends to the evening event. Although we have to limit the numbers for the meal, we can more than double them for the evening if we want. They have known these people a long time, and Inspector Gadget knows them quite well. I've even met some of them. So that's an easy request to agree to.

My parents have been quite involved in the planning already, as they're the only people close enough to the vendors. So we know they're happy with a lot of our choices. They also seem to understand the "big picture." My dad is going to tell my grandparents to imagine a traditional wedding, and then throw half their ideas out of the window and remember that I've never done what I'm told! They've loved some of the more quirky ideas I've come up with, and mum has even suggested a few herself (wands for the fairy princess flower girls? yes please!).

There's a few smaller details that they're not so happy with. They've refused to drive themselves to the venue, but have accepted that that's their problem, and they will sort it out. There is a reluctance to accept that I will only move my engagement ring to my other hand if I want to (I don't care if that's "how its done"). These are not deal breakers; they can all be solved without affecting the feeling of the day.

So both contributions were accepted. Before you accept financial help, please remember that whilst it is your day, you can't spend your parents money on something they strongly disagree with. If they don't share your vision, you may have to limit their involvement. That would really suck, but would be better realised early on in the process.

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